So Unexpected
by ShadowJay
Summary: "You think you can treat me like you did, and expect me just to forgive and forget?" Clary asks incredulous, pulling her lips back into a sneer. "I'm sorry.. I was afraid." Jace whispers, remorse flickering through his translucent golden orbs. "Scared of what? Ruining your ego?" she responds, glaring at him, silently challenging him. "No." he mutters, "I was scared of loving you."
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! So choice 2 won the vote by a large margin! I'm sorry if you voted for 1 I will write that story next because I love the idea. Please give this a shot, I'm hoping it can live up to your ****expectations! PLEASE REVIEWW! It makes such a big difference especially on a brand new fic. Btw, just got an ig for this account please follow: ShadowJay_ ! Anyways wish me luck!(:  
xx-kelse**

_Clary:_

I hate her. I can't believe she just did that. This isn't happening. The backs of my eyes sting warningly at the sign of unshed tears. I can't act affected. I look up into her calculating blue eyes, looking over my face and checking for any sign of emotion. I keep my features blank, avoid of pain, though my heart is throbbing uncomfortably in my chest. Seelie had always been a total bitch, but never this. Never this. On the front of my locker was now a mirror. A mirror she put there. The mirror wasn't easy to see yourself in though, considering the fact it was covered in words. _hoe. bitch. slut. ugly. anorexic. depressed. freak. loser. desperate. crazy. pale. nothing. worthless. _The hateful words covered every inch of the full length mirror, and were absorbed in every inch of my mind. I take a deep breath. Focus, time to act.

I tap Seelie on the shoulder looking up at her curiously. "What." She snaps, eyebrows furrowing in confusion and anxiety. "Did you mean to hang this on your locker?" I ask innocently, looking into her eyes menacingly. The gathering crowd chuckles quietly, as if scared Seelie might hear. "Nope, it's in the right spot." She bites back, smiling tightly. I see red. I must keep control. "Well thanks for the present!" I giggle, blowing her a kiss and walking in the opposite direction, desperately trying to hold back the sob racking through me. I walk into the nearest bathroom and slam the stall door, managing to ignore the other girls confused looks.

I hate this feeling, the way you have to cry silently, where your throat gets tight and you can't breath, the way your eyes run endlessly while you try to keep quiet. What did I do to deserve all of this? What did I do to deserve the depression, the bullying, the divorce, the abuse, and the death of my only friend? It's all too much. I try to act strong, but I am weak and cracking, and one day I will shatter into pieces that can't be put back together. A heavier sob goes through me, causing me to make a throaty noise. Eyes streaming watery bands of pain, I get up and take a deep breath, Seelie of all people doesn't deserve my tears, my pain.

Wiping my eyes and blowing my nose I unlock the stall and casually walk out. Luckily everyone had already left. Sighing I look at my misshapen face, out of all the bad things I already have I get to be hideous too. Pulling out my makeup bag I reapply my makeup, some concealer for the bruises and some eyeliner and mascara. I breath in and look at the girl in the mirror, I refuse to believe that _thing_ with the frizzy red hair and white skin was me. Nothing happened. I didn't cry. I'm fine. It didn't get to me. I walk out the door to my locker. I'm not fine.

_Jace:_

Her lips move desperate and sloppy against mine as we kiss passionately. I don't even know the girl's name, but she was pretty hot and started to make out with me, so who the hell am I to tell her to stop? I move my lips against hers sensually and expertly, my hands moving down to cup her butt. Who cares if we were in the middle of the hall? I'm about to deepen the kiss when the bell rings. I pull away slowly, looking the girl in the eyes, she smiles flirtatiously and walks off, trying to pronounce her ass by swaying her hips.

I smirk, it was my first day and I already had every girl here wrapped around my finger. It was so easy, use them and throw them away, no emotion, no love, and inevitably no hurt. I can't afford any more hurt. I start walking, checking my list for my next class when all the sudden I collide with someone sending them sprawling on the floor. After gaining my senses again I look down and my eyes involuntarily widen; she was breathtaking. Her face is smooth yet angular with a light dusting of freckles and flawless pearly skin. Her eyes an alluring emerald color and her hair falls in thick crimson waves on her shoulders. Her small hands grapple for her sketchpad and she jumps to her feet and glances at me for the first time. I feel a spark as we stare at each other until her look turns to disgust. "I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention." I state, pulling my walls that she had brought to the floor with her. What's wrong with me I don't even know this girl. She nods curtly replying with a simple, "Me either." Why wasn't she swooning or even blushing? Game on. "Well I always knew I could sweep a girl off her feet.. but never this." I say chuckling giving her my heart-melting smirk. She just grimaces and begins to walk away."You know lunch is this way!" I call out, confused on where she was going. "I know." She says coldly, not glancing back. I make a split second decision and decide to follow the mysterious girl.

xxxxx

I stand silently in the doorway of the seemingly abandoned room and she picks up a worn out guitar and plops on the the rug, sitting criss-cross. She begins to strum the the strings, creating a beautiful yet haunting melody. And then she begins to sing. And my heart stops.

_I've written songs_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_  
_I've felt inspired_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_  
_I hide myself_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_  
_Used to be afraid_  
_Of the dark, of the dark, of the dark, of the dark_  
_Those in the light know we die_  
_In the dark, in the dark, in the dark, in the dark_

_There's only artificial light here_  
_My flaws hide well here_  
_I used to be afraid of cluttered noises_  
_Now I'm afraid of silence_  
_Fill this space_  
_Idle words_

_I'm scared to death of light and silence_  
_Come one kill me inside this_  
_Raise me up to live again_  
_Like you did, like you did_

_Now I am mute despite myself_  
_All of them are gone_  
_The silence overtakes me_  
_The idle words forsake me_  
_And I am left to face me_

_I'm held accountable_  
_For every idle word_  
_Curse the idle words_

_I'm scared to death of light and silence_  
_Come on kill me inside this_  
_Raise me up to live again_  
_Like you did, like you did_

_Glory shows up_  
_Exposes us_  
_I'm naked here_  
_Forsaken here_  
_By the dark_  
_By the dark_  
_Damn the dark_

_I'm scared to death of light and silence_  
_Come on kill me inside this_  
_Raise me up to live again_  
_Like you did, like you did_

There was an unmistakeable depth of pain and despair in her voice as she sang the song with eyes closed, screaming to the walls with more emotion than anyone I've ever heard sing before. I step out of the room and jog away, head pounding, raging with inner battle. I can't fall for someone. They will just leave me. Everyone leaves me. But I can't help it. She is perfect.

**First chapter! I'm sorry if you guys hate it.. I don't know what to expect! PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU DO LIKE! it is the first chapter so reviews will make or break this fic. Please review! I love all of ****you(:**

**Excited to be working with a new story line!  
So many secrets will be discovered..**

**Review.  
xx-kelse**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello guys(: Sorry I haven't updated in a while.. But here is chapter two! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING LAST CHAPTER PLEASE DO THE SAME ON THIS ONE! anyways I have something to say: You aren't alone. I know sometimes we all feel like it, isolated, fearful of being found out. We feel like we are the only people in the world suffering from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, self-hate, self-harm, and other things. But we ****aren't. For all you know the girl next to you in English could be suffering from any one of these. We aren't alone. You aren't alone. If you need anything, I am here. I love you and all of your flaws, because we all have them. They don't define you. You are made up of so many things: The way you giggle when you find something funny, how you get so passionate about things you love, how you get lost in thought so easily, the way you always look at the floor. You are amazing. I promise. Anyways, here is chapter two. I am a writer that likes to write about problems people have, such as, depression, abuse, loss of loved ones, bullying.. etc. If you have a topic you want me to write on you can tell me anon and I will. You are so important to me(: REVIEW BABES  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I close my eyes and try to numb the pain as his fist collides with my cheekbone. I stand there, unflinching, taking the blows without protest. I feel his knuckles jam into my gut, taking my breath away harshly. He kicks my feet out from under me, leaving me sprawling on the hard floor. His once angry eyes soften into confusion, then realization, and then despair.

"Oh-oh m-my god.. Clary.. What'd I do. Oh my god. Oh my g-." He breaks off sobbing into his hands and collapsing to the ground in a mess. "Shh.. It's okay." I whisper, scooting over to him painfully. "No its not! I hurt you Clary! That's not okay!" He croaks, sobs racking through him again. I knew it wasn't okay. I knew I should leave right now, leave the bastard to drown in his personal inflicted sorrow. But I don't. He needs me, I'm all he has.

"We can get you help." I murmur, planting an awkward kiss on his forward, trying to ignore the blistering pain all over me. He really beat up on me this time. "I'm just like him.." He cries out, sniffling and looking at me sadly. "No. No you aren't. You are so much better, we will get through this." I say trying to convince him. I don't convince myself, though. He is exactly like his father, abusive and hateful. I have to get away.

Standing up I wipe the flowing blood off my lip with my sleeve. "I need to head home, Sebastian." I say quietly, making sure not to provoke the monster inside. He just shakes his head pathetically. With that I walk out of the room, covering my panic with calm, slow steps. Once I exit the apartment I sprint as quickly as I can, tears blurring my vision. I have to escape this hell.

|xxxxxxxxxxxx|

Yawning I hop out of bed and plod into the bathroom connected to my room. I look into the large mirror hanging in front of me and sigh. I'm going to have to go as 'Clown Clary' as Seelie calls it today. I pull out the heavy duty concealer and slather enough on my face to cover the deep purple bruises peppering it. And that was a lot. I put on a little mascara and eyeliner to draw some attention away from my caked on face. Glaring in the mirror at my traitorous face I walk into the closet to change.

I slip on black skinny jeans, a My Chemical Romance sweatshirt, and my grey high tops. I throw my red frizz into messy bun and grab my backpack. I speed walk down the stairs into the kitchen, hoping I will have time to quick eat something. To my horror the second I walk in, they are yelling. They look so angry and betrayed as they scream at the other.

I sprint out of the room and out the front door unnoticed. I try to bring air into my lungs but can't seem too. They always fight. It's my fault. I ruin everything. I lean against my truck as I try to stop hyperventilating. Calm down. I close my eyes and take deep breaths: in through the nose, out the mouth. I'm okay. Letting out a puff of air I unlock the truck and hop in, preparing for the rough day ahead of me.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

"Wow look who the circus dragged in!" Seelie giggles hysterically, flipping her long locks over her right shoulder and approaching me. The smell of cheap perfume and sex waft through the air as she stops in front of me. The need to gag is unbearable. "Aw why the sick face, Clown Clary." She sneers, enunciating the clown. Wow, Ive never heard that before. "You're face.. Too close.. Cant take the ugly" I cough out pretending to shield my eyes and stumble slightly. Seelie's smirk immediately turns to a scowl. We stare each other down, I squint my eyes intimidatingly as she takes a step forward.

And then I have to sneeze. Shit. Closing my eyes I sneeze. I broke eye contact. Seelie stares down at me superiorly, taking another step forward and crushing my foot under her six inch heel. I hold in a wince, but I'm sure it reaches my face. "Hmm.. Allergies?" She ponders, looking down at me with fake interest. I pick up my last shred of dignity and reply, "Yeah I'm allergic to bullshit." Rolling my eyes I stalk off to find Simon, my best and only friend. What a great start to the day.

I find him lounging against my locker, focus on a paper in his hands. I walk up and scan over his shoulder at the paper he was staring at so intensely. "What is that?!" I exclaim confused, tapping his shoulder to make sure I have his attention. Once he notices me he grins happily and hands me the computer paper. I take it from him and look over it. Ahh.. the english essay. Of course he got a 96.

Rolling my eyes I pass it back, "Nice grade, genius." I bite, throwing my bag in the locker. "Hmph looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Simon chimes, raising his eyebrows at me. Sighing I reply sadly, "Bad morning." He just nods in understandment and takes my arm. "Off to art, aka hell." Simon mutters, letting out a groan. "Hey! I _like_ that class" I chastise, swatting at his arm playfully. With that we walk into class. I don't know what the day with hold, but I did know I always had Simon at my side, _always.  
_

_Jace:_

I walk into art fifteen minutes late. I have no idea why I took this class, considering the fact I drew like a kindergartner on drugs. "Sorry I'm late.." I mutter somewhat apologetically in the teacher's direction as I scan the room for a seat. There are two, one next to some bimbo that I think is named Kaelie, and one next to the mysterious redhead. Knowing my decision immediately I head to the left and fall into the chair next to Red, flashing her a seductive grin.

She doesn't even blink. She sighs melodramatically, staring at me with an annoyed expression. I raise an eyebrow, this girl had a serious problem. I mean look at me, how is she not swooning? "My best friend is sitting there. Move." She snaps, motioning for me to get up with her petite hand. Well I definitely wasn't expecting this reaction. "Have it your way, Red." I say, still not knowing her name. I can tell now isn't the time to fight her on this, considering her stoic and slightly pissed expression. Getting up without another word I plop down next to the bimbo. "Heyy.." She purrs, batting her eyelashes repeatedly. She looks constipated. Grimacing I turn to the teacher. This is going to be a long class. I don't know what I think of the little redhead yet, she's different, that's for sure. I like different.

**How did you like chapt 2?!  
****Btw song in last chapter was "In the Dark" by Flyleaf  
****Background on Clary's life and struggles!  
REVIEW! PLEASE IT IS SO ENCOURAGING.  
Hold on, darling.  
xx-Kelse  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi everyone(: Im sorry it's been a while.. its been a rough month. Please don't give up on this story I WILL keep updating so check as often as you can! Should I keep writing this story? It hasn't gotten much support so I'm just wondering if I should change it..? I only got three reviews last chapter so please review this chapter! Love all of you. here goes ****nothing..  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

"Simon, I'm not doing this.." I state, holding my head in the air superiorly. "Oh yes you are Clary Fray, even if I have to carry you up there myself." He reprimands, scooting closer to me to prove his point. "You wouldn't." I whisper, squinting my eyes viciously in his direction and backing up slowly. He snorts and leaps over, throwing me into his arms. "Just did." He chirps as he hauls me up to the small stage in the center of the vintage-looking coffee shop. The second he sets me down I attempt to bolt off, only to have him grip my arms to keep me from doing so. "But people are watching me!" I scream whisper, glaring at him hatefully. "That's kinda the point, Fray." He says slowly, squinting from under his oversized glasses and cocking his head.

"Get the show on!" I hear a loud voice bellow from the never-ending crowd of well: thirty people. Okay so maybe I was being slightly melodramatic.. but still. I still can't believe Simon had tricked me into coming here by saying Eric was performing, Eric was on vacation! He brought me here to sing. In front of people. This isn't going to end well. Wincing I glance back down at the slightly annoyed looking crowd. I take a deep breath and turn away from them, fingers strumming my old guitar. I shut my eyes tight and continue to play the soft, yet daunting melody. Then I begin to sing:

_Overtakes the happiness day by day  
separates my life from yours  
don't touch me just stay away  
the pieces of me are no more_

_Push __away- push away the people now  
Walk away- walk away from life itself  
Just keep.. Breathing_

_So Alone, so afraid don't get too close, I might hurt you somehow  
So Alone, so afraid; my sanity is leaving me  
So Alone, so afraid; i'll push you away though I don't know how_

_I can't help it's how I feel  
Everyday beats the others all-time low  
My hearts joy was never my minds to steal  
How hard it is you will never know_

_Pull away-pull away from those who care  
Hold it in- hold it in, can't let them know you're sick  
Just keep… Breathing_

__So Alone, so afraid don't get too close, I might hurt you somehow  
__So Alone, so afraid; there's nothing left for me here___  
__So Alone, so afraid; to scared to let others in now__  
_

___Just leave me to myself  
I don't need your help  
You don't care and I can't sleep  
I'm a hopeless case and a waste of time___

___Because  
___

___Nobody can save me from myself___

_____So Alone, so afraid; don't get too close I might hurt you somehow  
__So Alone, so afraid; cry __myself to sleep because the pain  
__So Alone, so afraid; Just keep… Breathing.__  
_____

Everything is blurry as I turn back around to curtsy and sprint off the misshapen stage. Breathing shallow and eyes bulging I fly to the bathroom and empty the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I just sang a song I wrote. A very personal song. At the horrifying thought I empty my stomach once more before straightening up and walking out of the bathroom. My ears buzz from the loud claps and whistles as I enter the main room once again. My cheeks heat up, pink spreading down to my neck. Smiling as kindly as I can and throw my worn out leather satchel over my shoulder. "ENCORE!" I hear some geeky looking teenage boy shout, throwing his hands into the air enthusiastically. I shake my head no vigorously, I definitely couldn't endure that again. "Ahh.. the feels of that song." I hear a feminine voice practically moan, from not so very far away. Smiling larger with pride, I exit the coffee shop and head out to my beat up truck.

I search through my purse for the keys, but to no avail. "Dammit where'd they go." I curse under my breath, scrunching up my nose up in frustration. "Ahh someone seems to be in a pleasant mood." A tone mocks sarcastically from behind me. "SIMON YOU BASTARD!" I belt spinning around and pounding my fists against his chest angrily. He just chuckles, placing the keys in one of my fists and winking from under his hipster like glasses. "See you tomorrow Fray, great song by the way." He grins, jogging off to his torn up band van. If you called what he was in a band. Sighing I hop in the truck and drive back to the last place I want to be. Home.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

I cringe silently, biting my lower lip and covering my ears, eyes closed tightly. I always try to block them out. I can even hear them through my closed door, a floor above their room. "I CANT BELIEVE YOU!" My moms voice yells, echoing throughout the home. "YOU CANT BELIEVE _ME? ME? _I CANT BELIEVE YOU, JOCELYN!" Father bellows, pain woven in his tight voice. I know what he is talking about. It's all they ever talk about. Mom cheating on him. "Valentine you know I regret ever-" she starts only to be cut off by my fathers weary voice, "Do you? Do you really regret sleeping with him, Jocelyn." Silence. "Didn't think so." He grunts, and I hear the front door slam shut. I can hear her sobs from all the way up here, like she wanted me to hear. Wanted to torture me.

I take deep breaths and curl up into my protective ball, rocking back and forth vigorously. Block it out. It's not real. They love you. I lie to myself over and over and over. That's the thing, I know its a lie. I don't care. Anyhting is better than this truth.

**What did you think?  
****Good, Ehh, or awful?  
****PLEASE REVIEW!  
****IDEAS!?  
Thanks for reading guys(:**

**xx-Kelse**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello, thanks so much for the support!(: Please review.. Anyways, I was asked what the song is in the last chapter and it's a song that I wrote.. It's really bad sorry. Just saw Divergent and it was so good other than the fact they changed some parts up. Thank you for your love and support please, please review!**

_Clary:_

I tap the pencil on my upper lip, trying to focus on the homework in front of me. I can't though, it's beautiful outside and I find it pointless to sit inside and waste it on some stupid geometry. Jumping to my feet I walk into my closet and throw on some light wash high wasted jean shorts, a grey tight fitting long sleeve shirt with a sheer back, and my black high tops. I put my hair in two sloppy braids and quick apply some dark eyeliner. I glare at my reflection in the mirror, why can't I be pretty? Sighing I dash down the staircase and out the front door. I pull out my cell phone and see I have three new text messages, opening them I see all three are from Sebastian:  
**S: Hey Clary.. I was wondering if you would like to go out to dinner tonight?  
S: I mean it's fine if you can't.. I understand  
S: Sorry for bothering you**

It's amazing to me how he could go from the shy, sweet boy I remember falling for.. kinda, to the monster I now know. It's like there is a dormant demon living inside of him, and it's usually fast asleep, but sometimes it will awaken out of nowhere and claw up through Sebastian, taking him over. I shudder at the thought of the way his eyes glint when he lets the demon take control, the way he laughs as he throws me to the floor, and then the way he sobs as the demon falls back into its slumber.

I respond with a simple, "I can't today" not wanting to have to see his face today. Not wanting to ever see his face again. It's not that simple though, he has no one, and I know what it's like to be alone. To not be loved. One day, though, I know he will take it to far, and I won't have a choice anymore. I will have to leave him. I quickly reopen my phone and send a text to Simon:  
**C: Meet me at The Coffee Mug in 15 okay?**

He responds almost instantly.  
**S: Wouldn't miss it for the world.**

Grinning slightly I shove the beat up cell back in my pocket and trudge on to the coffee shop.

|XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|

Ugh. I _hate _mondays. I know everyone says they do, but they have no idea. Mondays are the entrance to another week in hell. Another week spent with Seelie. Tightening my quivering hands into fists, I set my jaw and speed walk to my locker, praying she won't notice me. People have no idea the effect bullying has on you. Of course she has to walk out of the bathroom at the exact time I pass it. I try to walk past her, only to be jerked back to her harshly, her hot pink fingernails digging into my soft flesh.

"Hey Clarebear, how was your weekend?" She says in a sickeningly sweet way, that would be taken by anyone else as kindness. "Fine thank you." I mutter, turning to walk off before it got bad. She actually lets me walk away. I let out a huge breath I didn't realize I was holding and stop in front of my locker. I quickly turn the knob, _4638._ The rusted door makes an obnoxiously loud popping sound as it accepts the code and unlocks. I heave my backpack over my shoulder and lift it into the locker, arms shaking. _God it must way a ton._ Grunting I give it a coaxing push, casing it to topple in. Then I feel it, the sensation overtop my head trickling down my neck, my shirt, my pants. I gasp as I realized I'm soaked, spinning around I see Seelie staring at me maliciously. She fakes a surprised expression and covers her mouth with her hand sarcastically. _Wow. She poured water on me. How clever. _Rolling my eyes I turn back to the locker, gathering my stuff for music.

My soaked hair sticks to my forehead and the back of my neck uncomfortably. My long sleeve tee is hanging awkwardly and dripping everywhere, and my shorts are soaked to the core, making me feel as if I wet my pants. When I turn back to walk in the direction of music, Seelie is already gone. But the crowd isn't. They are surrounding me, chuckling and cackling obnoxiously as if the funniest thing ever just happened. Glaring at them, I raise up my right hand and flip the off for good measure. There are a couple of gasps, but other than that silence. I shove my way through the crowd of students. Assholes.

I walk in a couple minutes early, allowing me to pick almost any seat I want. Considering I have no friends in this class I move to the farthest seat to the right in the very back. I yank out my sketch pad and begin to draw as I wait for the rest of the class to arrive. I decide to sketch the view of the heavily wooded forest outside the window. It is mostly pine trees, the sun glistening beautifully through the needles and reflecting off the dark grass below. For some reason I love the woods, they are so calming and natural. There is no yelling or pain, just bliss. If I could I would sit in the woods and draw all day long, never returning home. But sadly, that isn't a option.

The rest of the class begins to enter, taking their seats, many of them as far away from me as possible. I am the school freak after all. I feel as if I'm being watched and glance to the seat next to me to see the tawny eyed boy watching my drawing intensely. I make a face and continue to draw, blocking his view with my lower arm. "As nice as your lower arm is to stare at," I hear a cocky voice begin, "I would prefer to see the picture." Rolling my eyes I groan softly, flipping the sketchbook closed and sliding it in my bag. "I would prefer you not to talk to me." I retort shortly, avoiding his gaze. I hear him chuckle lightly, "Well then I suppose we have an issue." He lets on, grinning toothily at me. "Your ego?" I ask sarcastically. He just raises an eyebrow in question. "I mean you've been here what, two weeks? And it's the size of Manhattan, that can't be healthy. It will eventually explode I'm sure." I finish, returning his gaze ten fold. He just laughs and smirks again, I'm beginning to think that's all he does. As he laughs it doesn't reach his eyes, they remain untouched and distant.

I would think he's attractive, but his personality is so awful it ruins even his looks. That's one bad personality. There's something about him though, something no one knows, something that makes him so cold and harsh. An I intend to find out what that something is.

**What do you think?  
Review..?  
Love you(:  
Ideas?!  
**

**xx-Kelse**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. Here is the next ****chapter of So Unexpected..! Please review and expect a pretty big plot twist *Laughs methodically*  
Btw I've been asked why Clary is 'even with Sebastian?' and the answer to that is 'have patience' I'm not going to just immediately be like: CLACE! That makes for a very cliche story. So wait and see! Love you darlings.  
xx- Kelse**

I don't like to think about it. Wait scratch that I hate to think about it. But I can't help it, it was driven in my head and plastered there permanently. The way she would pour hot grease on my back and leave scorching marks trailing up my arm with her scaldingly hot curling iron, all the while telling me it was for my own good. Telling me she was protecting me. The thought of that being considered as any type of protection made me laugh.

Mother did teach me one lesson though, the lesson I live my life by: Women will pretend to love you and then break and torture you, all the while telling you they love you. I've been broken and tortured one time too many. I only found one solution to keep this pain away. Break them first.

I've been using girls and throwing them away for a third of my life now, and I didn't plan on stopping. But she just keeps smashing into my heart, trying to enter it. She shatters everything I've built up throughout the years, everything I now stand for, with a single glance. She is mind-blowingly dangerous. I will never let her in though, she would break me. One more crack and I will become pieces. Everything about her just gets to me, no matter how hard I try not to let it though. The way her huge emerald orbs sparkle with curiosity and mischief, the way her crimson curls hang messily and crazy right below her shoulders, the way she has trouble breathing when she laughs too hard.

My feeling for her don't change a thing though, I'm still going to keep hooking up and dropping, and I'm still going to be the ice hearted asshole I am now. She can't break down my wall, I won't let her. The thing is she isn't even trying, and that's why I hate her. She is destroying it without even realizing it. I keep denying myself the inevitable, because of Clarissa Fray, I'm a time bomb waiting to explode.

_Clary:_

They're at it again. I feel like they are alway at it, yelling that is. Maybe it's considered screaming? Whatever, frankly I don't care right now. I guess you could say I'm in one of those 'screw the world and everyone in it' moods. Rubbing my aching temples annoyedly, I return to my Manga. Thing is with all their idiotic carrying on I can't read a word. I know them fighting should bother me, hell it should break me. It used to.

Not anymore though, I'm numb now. Nothing seems to phase me anymore, all of my life has been a big black hole, with me hurdling helplessly in the middle of it.

I'm pretty much accustomed to depression and pain. Their voices start to raise again and I begin to imagine I'm somewhere in Hawaii, laying out on the beach, wam sun beating down on me and the wa-… My daydream is interrupted by a loud scream, I hear my dad yelling insanely. He sounds angrier than I've ever heard him. The first emotion I've felt in days comes rushing through my veins: fear. I hear my mom's shaky voice telling him to calm down, to put it away. I know what's happening immediately. He has a gun.

My breathing becomes labored and shallow, and my vision becomes blurry. He's going to shoot mom. I fly to my feet just as I hear the bang. It would be pointless to go down there now. She's gone. Tears stream from my eyes as I try to think of what to do. I have to get out of here. I hear his thundering foot steps as he pounds up the stairs, each step striking more intense panic into me.

I dash to the window, pulling at the latch as hard as I can. It won't budge. "Oh my god.." I whisper quietly, frozen in terror. I'm so afraid. Then I remember something: dad doesn't even know I'm home. Pulling my senses together I tip toe into my closet and shut the door, concealing myself behind some long sweaters and heavy winter jackets.

I hear the door fly open and hit the wall with a bang. I hold my breath, closing my eyes and counting to ten. I hear his footsteps approach my bed, and can almost sense him checking under it. Glad I didn't hide there. I hear the squeak of the springs as he sits on my small twin sized bed. Then I hear the bang. I think he just shot himself, tears fill my eyes as I heave silent sobs, curling up into myself in a fetal position.

I reach for the handle of my closet door and crack it open slightly. I strangled sob consumes me as I see his mangled form on the floor, blood flowing from the gunshot wound in the side of his head.

_This isn't happening. _

_I'm all alone._

_Sebastian:_

I love her. I love the way her face looks as she stumbles to the floor with fear. I love the way she obeys my every command because she fears what will happen if she doesn't. I love the way she shakes after taking the punches and kicks. I love fear. And I absolutely hate that about myself. But I just can't help it, I crave fear.

Seeing it written on her face gives me a boost of adrenaline I know nothing else could. It makes me feel alive, powerful. Fear is stronger and more powerful than love ever could be, it makes people do whatever you want. You don't have to be kind or take time to gain fear, unlike love. Fear is spontaneous and everlasting. Fear is everything. I am fear. And I hate it.

**Dun-dun-dunnn plot twist!  
Quick sneak peek into Jace's mindset, more where that came from..(;  
Oh where will Clary possibly go?  
Think about it^^  
Sorry if this chapter was ****morbid I'm in a mood.  
Well Sebastian is a total creep tbh  
REVIEW! PLEASE!?  
xx-Kelse**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hi! Don't know if I should continue with this story..? Please review if you like, I ****don't want to write a bad story.. Anyways here we go.. (Clace action kinda) Its been a rough day, please don't be too harsh.  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

You know when you see someone so utterly beautiful and perfect that you just can't take your eyes off them? And then they look at you and you feel like you have this connection, and everything is just so unreal. And then they open their goddamned mouth. And literally ruin everything. Well that's Jace Herondale for you, he may look like an angel, but I swear he's the Devil and has risen from hell to ruin my life. As if my life needed any more ruining.

It's been around a month since my dad went all psycho and shot my mom and himself. I would be lying if I said it bothered me to the breaking point. Because it didn't. For the past six years they hadn't even been my parents: They had yelled constantly, were never around, forgot about my existence, and hadn't shown even an ounce of love. I'm not totally heartless, but I barely knew them. They came home two nights a week and one time my mom had a panic attack because she forgot I still lived with them. Yep, ouch. It hurt so bad to see them yelling, it reminded me I could never have a real family who loved me. And now I have the chance.

I was upset at first, thinking I was all alone and would be put in some psychotic person's foster home, just like the books. Thankfully, I caught a break and ended up with Maia and Jordan, a sweet couple who couldn't have kids in their late thirties. There was only one problem with the situation. Jace Herondale.

I mean, of course he of all people had to live in the house next-door. And of course he had to notice me and begin to torment me, making me his new victim. He was just one big dick with no self esteem so he picked on the weak. For example: me. It was like boom, all the sudden he hated me. He didn't even know me. It's not like I wanted to be friends or anything relatively close to that- but I really didn't want anymore enemies. Having Seelie on my back all the time was depressing enough.

Deciding to no longer pity myself, I hop out of bed and onto the cool wood flooring. I had always tended to be a furnace, so when I slept under covers all night, the bed got pretty uncomfortable. Brushing my teeth and throwing on a mint cotton spaghetti strap top, jean shorts, a white sheer fabric shaw and my black chucks. I throw my wild tangles of crimson hair into a sloppy ponytail. I add a little mascara and some chap stick, not wanting to appear to awful.

I haven't seen Sebastian in two weeks. I can't deal with him anymore. He puts me through so much fear and pain, and his condition seems to worsen everyday. It's seemed like he has stopped caring entirely, his mind cold and eyes empty. It's like he's starting to enjoy punching me. And that terrifies me. I don't love him; I don't even care for him, but he has so much power over me, so much terror. I have this inkling in the back of my head that even trying to walk away from the 'relationship' would put me in a wheelchair. I shudder at the thought. Scooping up my backpack and new sketchpad I pad down the long, fancy hallway. Did I mention the Kyle's are loaded. It beats me why they would want a demented 17 year old girl with a serious case of depression and a bad past. But they did, and for that I am thankful.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

Groaning, I angle the binder differently, trying to somehow shove it into my already crammed locker. Letting out an annoyed breath I roll my eyes and start to push again. I jump causing my forehead to bang against the open locker door as long, slender arms reach out and take the binder from me, and easily sticking it in the space. Letting out an annoyed huff and holding a hand to my throbbing forehead as I turn to look at the smartass who helped me. Probably Simon, just the thought of him causes me to grin like an idiot.

Then I see him, and the grin dissipates and quickly as it arrived.

"Hey Gingersnap" He smirks, as if he was the most clever, funny person on the planet. Likewise.

"Wow. No wonder you're so popular, keep up those witty remarks and I might even drop to the floor and worship you." I say bitterly, sarcasm woven in my tone.

He snorts, "I only want pretty girls worshipping me, sorry freckle face." He says lightly, smirk tugging on his lips again. I feel my cheeks heat up in humiliation and anger. He just flat out told me I wasn't pretty. I feel tears prickle at the backs of my eyes, but refuse to let them flow. I'm stronger than this. "If by pretty girls you mean idiotic whores with no future, than ya sure." I reply casually, as if what he said hadn't wounded me, "Wait, no that would mean you would be dropping to the floor and worshipping yourself, which isn't physically possible." I continue, glaring daggers at him.

His smug look drops, left with the cold mask that gave me shivers down my spine. There was only one other person I knew with that expression: Sebastian. I guess I learned the hard way that the most beautiful people are the deadliest.

"Did you just call me an idiotic whore with no future?" He asks, dead calm.

"Oh sorry forgot. You're brain probably can't handle such an 'advanced' vocabulary, would you like me to rephrase?" I bite, winking at him and stalking off. Asshole.

_Simon:_

"Hey Fray, ready for Music?" I ask, grinning at my best friend. Though I wish we were more. If anyone one deserved to be with her, it was me. I was the one that brought her ice-cream when she was upset, gave her a shoulder to cry on, shared everything with, and stood up for no matter what. I want to tell her the way I feel so badly, to shout it to the world and grab her and kiss her. In front of everyone. I want to show her I love her and that I am hers.

But there's the bastard, Sebastian. There's something about him that doesn't make me feel right, he makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Clary said she everything was okay with him, that she cared for him. The thing is, anyone could tell she doesn't, the way she hates talking about him, rarely wants to see him. Then there was the undeniable fear in her eyes, fear she only got around him.

She thinks I haven't noticed, but I have. And I swear to Raziel if he has or ever does lay a hand on her, I will kill him.

And then there's Jace, who just seemed to notice her existence a few weeks ago, and immediately began to bully her. Why are people so cruel? He is so confusing though, because he will crush her in every way possible, make her more insecure than ever, and then I will see him staring at her from afar with a dreamlike quality to his eyes. It was confusing and pissed me off. He can't just treat her like that and expect to think its okay to stare at her.

The thing I want more than to be with her is her happiness. And if I can't give that to her, than so be it, I want her to find someone who can. But I was positive that someone wasn't going to be Jace Herondale.

_Jace:_

She deserves so much better than me. She deserves the whole world. The way she will stand up for the weak in the hallways, even if it meant more torment for herself. She was an amazing person, even though I know she would never admit it. And then there's me. Thinking all of this five minutes after I myself just tormented her. It makes me sick to think of the way I treat her. To look in her eyes and see the pain I caused. I hate myself for it, for what I put her through, but I have to push her away. I was just going to avoid her at all costs, but then she moved next door, so I went for the cold, insensitive tactic.

I have my walls rebuilt and ready. I am hurting her so I can't hurt her. It makes no sense, yet it makes all the sense in the world. I just had to keep her away from me, if she got to close I might fall for her entirely. I can't let that happen. "To love is to destroy. And to be loved is to be destroyed" as father used to say. But the second I lay eyes on Clary every day, my heart only says one thing,

Break me.

**How was it? Next chapter(If there is one) will include Jace defending Clary from Seb.  
Will Jace let Clary in?  
Will Clary forgive and forget?  
Will Sebastian just die ****already?  
^Patience(;  
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW.**

**xx-Kelse**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay you guys made me cry(happy tears), the reviews were just.. wow. (': I've had such a hard month, so thank you so much for taking time to review on my little story. I was dumbstruck when I saw I got 17 reviews on the last chapter. If you guys could review like that again I would be so thankful, it meant the world to me. Love all of you more than words could explain. Btw, Clace chapter(:  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

"Maia!" I holler down the corridor, hoping there was some way she could hear me. It's a big house, so it makes finding people kinda difficult. I still haven't figured out where all the money comes from, considering Maia doesn't have a job and Jordan is a dentist. Maybe it's inherited?

"Yes?!" Maia's faint voice yells. "I'm not going to be home until 8:00! I start my job today!" I reply loudly, reminding her not to worry of my absence after school. I start my job at the local cafe just down the street tonight, I don't need to work, obviously, but I enjoy it. It gives me something to distract myself with, keeping me from dwelling on the pain.

It feels as if there is this big hole where my heart should be. I feel so empty. It hit me last night that I had no family left, no one that loved me. That scene wasn't pretty. I mean sure, my parents weren't really parents, but they were family. It seemed as if until then I had been lying to myself, saying I didn't care, that it didn't change anything, but it did.

Then there is Jon. I miss him so much. His face still haunts my dreams, his easy smile, and electric dark eyes. He was the only one who was always there for me, always had my back. After I lost him I was completely alone, unlike now. Then I met Simon, and god am I lucky I did. He mended the gaping hole in my heart, pulled me in and cared for me. He always seems to cheer me up, he is like a brother to me.

I also have Maia and Jordan, and though I barely know them, I feel as if I've lived here all my life.

I jog out the door into the crisp and refreshing winter air. I'll be seventeen in a week. It's so crazy how fast time goes by, yet here in the now, it feels like it's taking forever. And I'm stuck in the confusion of whether I want the clock to slow down, or speed up.

Climbing into my worn out truck, I turn the keys, and drive my way on the highway to hell.

_|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|_

"Get the hell off of him!" I scream, trying to elbow my way through the packed crowd. I don't understand why people enjoy to watching others fight, to hurt each other. It's utterly disturbing. Maybe that's just because I'm an abuse victim. But I don't care, it's disgusting to sit and watch stuff like this. But right now, the bystanders aren't my problem, it's the guy in the middle of the circle beating the shit out of my best friend. Simon.

Finally managing to shove my way through the assholes watching, I enter the circle. I gasp at the sight. Simon is laying on the tile floor awkwardly, nose gushing ruby blood, lip split, and bruises _everywhere._ Yet the attacker looks untouched. Not for long. Letting out an angry grunt I charge, crashing into the large boy.

He may be a lot bigger and stronger, but I had fury on my side. I throw my elbow down, hitting him straight on the nose, feeling the crack as I break it. Good. Suddenly, he rolls over, climbing on top of me and crushing me under his weight. "Bitch" He hisses, raising his fist. I close my eyes, but don't allow myself to cringe, I'm not going to let him think he's won. But nothing comes, and I feel the weight thrown from my fragile torso. My eyes fly open to see the boys body on the floor, holding his head with a grimace.

Then I see him. Golden boy. My grateful expression immediately goes dark. "What, want a go at me too?" I spit, glaring at him hatefully. He has made my life hell, he is hell. I look around to see the crowd has dissipated, probably out of fear of Jace. He can be kinda intimidating. Scratch that, terrifying.

"No actually I was saving your stupid ass," He responds, voice emotionless as always. "_Stupid?"_I repeat, incredulous. "Yes, stupid! Do you ever think before you act? He could've seriously hurt you." Jace says exasperated, but his face was etched with worry. Wait, worry? He can't be worried about me, it's probably annoyance.

"I would take a punch for Simon any day." I reply, voice monotone. "By the way, don't think I buy this hero act even for a second. I don't know what you're doing, but don't do it again. I don't need help from someone like you." I hiss, anger beginning to cloud my features.

"I just saved you." He says, as if he didn't understand what I just said.

"Saved me? Do you not know what you've done to me? How awful you've been to me, Jace? If anything you've killed me. Please just stay away from me, I can't take this." I whisper, voice cracking at the sign of tears. No. I can't cry in front of the bastard.

Regret floods into his eyes as he looks to the floor. I don't understand him, he acts so rock-solid and untouchable and cruel, but then sometimes I'll see a snippet of a totally different person. I'm not sure if I want to understand him. He offers me a hand, and I refuse, pulling myself up to look at him. He steps closer to me, and brings his eyes to mine. They give off something unreadable, emotion I can't comprehend.

He steps closer yet again, and his eyes fall to my lips. His head leans in and- Oh my God. He's going to kiss me! Yanking away violently, I backing up, creating a distance between us.

"What were you doing?" I whisper, anger and confusion on my tongue and in my gaze. His features, once overcome with emotion once again go blank. The blankness on his face scared me more than any anger could. It's chilling.

"Don't worry about it, trust me it won't happen again." He says bitterly, turning away and stalking off. I'm left frozen. His scent is still in the air around me, it is like mint and cold winter air. It is refreshing and exhilarating. I remember the way he looked at me, and it sends shivers down my spine. There was some part of me that wanted to pull him close and just kiss him. Feel his lips against mine, his hands in my hair.

But the greater, smarter part of me held disgust. Disgust at what he'd done to, disgust at how he treated others, disgust at his heartless actions and voice. There _has_ to be something more to him. I know there is. The question is why does he hide it? What is he so afraid of?

I close my eyes and gather myself. I keep telling myself that I didn't want to kiss him. But there was something in me, that wanted him more than it's wanted anything else. Part of me that felt let down that he won't try to kiss me again. Part of me that craves him. I've never felt that with Sebastian, all I've felt was first sorrow and now pure fear.

I hate Sebastian Verlac, for what he does to me, for what he will keep doing. I hate him more than I could hate Jace Herondale, the boy who I saw in a different light today. He let me in, and I shut him out. Now it's time to shut Sebastian out. I'm going to get rid of him. I really am. I hope there is something more to Jace than what he usually shows. I'm just trying to figure out which him is the act.

**Ohh Jace tried to kiss her(:  
Yay! Clary shall be ridding of Sebastian(next chapter)  
Next ****chapter you will meet Lightwoods!  
And Magnus!  
Will Jace reveal his true person to Clary, Will Clary accept him?  
Please please please review.**

**xx-Kelse**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi darlings(: Thank you so much for the reviews, it means so freaking much. Please keep reviewing! Get ready to meet a very ****glittery Magnus and prepare for a breakup with Sebastian! Love all of you, Stay strong my loves.  
XX- Kelse**

_Simon:_

"So someone is turning 17 in two days if I am correct." I let on smugly, knowing how much Clary despises parties. She has a perfectly plausible reason for her hatred of them, and that is Seelie Queen. Even her name is preppy and obnoxious, it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth I feel the need to gag. And I do.

"What in the hell are you doing?" Clary mutters, raising an eyebrow at my heaving form. I regain my composure and smirk back at her, acting as if it was a totally normal thing to do. "Thinking of Squeaky Queen." Realization and slight amusement dawn on her face at my explanation; 'Squeaky Queen' is what Clary and I nicknamed her in the ninth grade, considering her voice sounds like a mouse on an overdose of helium.

"So I was thinking we could-" I start only to be cut off by the short-tempered redhead, "Yes, yes I know _exactly_ what you're thinking. And the answer is no."  
"For all you know I could've been asking if you wanted to take pole-dancing lessons with me." I point out, shrugging at her. "Well in that case I got lucky, because the answer to that is also no." She says shortly, walking over to the bin and pulling the old basketball.

"Now we came out here to play some ball, not to fight over my party." She states, and I immediately know to drop the subject for now. That's the thing about Clary, she can go from peppy and blithe, and then all the sudden angry and short-fused. It's very hard to keep up. I'm assuming much of it comes from her old home life, much of it consisted of yelling, ignorance, and hatred. I had gone over there practically everyday since the seventh grade and not once had I ever heard an 'I love you.'

Worst of all, one time in the tenth grade, I was staying the night in her room because she was upset. Her mom entered in the middle of the night to find me snuggled up with Clary, and she made an annoyed noise and left. She didn't care about Clary, so I don't have an ounce of sympathy for the way her or her husband died.

I could tell Clary was marginally happier now, here with Maia and Jordan, but there was always the lingering remembrance of the past life, the old memories stored up in her head for only her to see. I wish she would just let me in.

I love her. I love her in the way a husband loves his wife, entirely. It amazes me that she doesn't realize it, the way I'm in awe with everything about her. She's always been here for me, she's all I have. One day, at the right time I will tell her, and she will love me back. I can just _feel _it. It's like we're made for eachother. I was made for her.

I belong to her.

_Clary:_

I am in a decent enough mood today, considering I know I am going to pull myself together and just do it. Just break up with the bastard. Not that what we did was even considered dating. I keep imagining walking away, the weight lifted off my shoulders, fear of future beatings dissipated into the air. I can't wait. Energy is coursing through my veins, and I seem unable to stop moving, wishing for the minutes to tick faster.

I guess all the adrenaline was paying off, considering I am beating Simon 12-6. Even though he's tall, I'm quicker and agile, allowing me to move and score before he can comprehend what's happening. The look he gets when I score is priceless. I'm pretty sure another reason I'm winning is because he is deep in thought, eyes glazed over. Usually it's me off in some dreamland, wishing and hoping for something more. But right now this real is enough, this knowing I will soon be free.

Freedom. It's a beautiful word, one with many different meanings. In my case it's a synonym to hope. Hope is something that was once lost to me, to far beyond my pathetic grasp, but now it was within reach. And I was going to have the courage to grab it.

I'm meeting Sebastian at 'The Latte', a locally owned coffee shop just ten minutes from here. I am going to do it in public, so he can't hurt me or guilt me. It's an indestructible plan. Or so I thought.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

"Hey," I whisper softly, smiling tightly up at the intimidating boy seated across from me. His curling black hair had grown slightly, and now covered his eyebrows. His dark eyes that once looked a dark brown to me now look black. His skin is so pale it looks as though it is paper thin. I feel as if everything about him has changed, he know longer looks at me the same either. Everything about him now is just so.. Calculating.

Maybe it's me that's changed, though. Maybe he has always been like this, and I'm just now seeing it. Maybe he never was the sweet, shy boy I thought he was, maybe he was always like this. As they always say: "We see what we want to see."

He doesn't utter a response, just looks me up and down, searches my eyes. It's as if he knows why we are here. "Seb, we need to talk." I say, making sure to keep my voice powerful, unwavering. I will no longer cower in fear because of this boy. "And why is this?" He asks, tone fanciful and unyielding as always, as if he doesn't want his emotions to be seen. I think I know why.

"We're done." I say shortly, not even attempting to pull any of the, 'it's not you, it's me' shit. Because that would be a lie, it is him. His once emotionless face hardens, and his hand darts across the table gripping my wrist painfully tight. "And what makes you think you can do that? You belong to me, Clarissa." He growls, bottomless eyes filled with bitterness and challenge. Standing up and swatting a five dollar bill on the table, I yank my wrist from his grasp. "And what makes you think I belong to you? I belong to no one." I state hatefully, and then I walk out of the door, not bothering to glance back, hearing the swish of the air-tight door shut behind me.

I thought this would be freeing, but after seeing him react like that.. I'm more scared than I've ever been.

_Jace:_

_"_Izzy! Alec!" I cheer as I throw myself into the arms of my approaching siblings. Though I hate to admit it, I have missed them. A lot. They had been up visiting my dad for the past month, considering we rarely got to see him. I didn't go, though. Robert and I don't exactly get along.

"Jace! Angel, I've missed you so much!" She gushes, handing me one of her many suitcases. "God Izzy how many bags did you bring?" I grumble, stumbling up the pathway to the cathedral like home. "I sure as hell don't wake up like this, Jace Lightwood!" She shouts back with a teasing note in her voice.

I hear Alec roll up from behind me, "Hey I've mi-" I begin only to be but off by a loud, slightly irritating voice that came from somewhere behind me. "ALEC DARLING!" It practically screams, as I hear footsteps approach us. "Who the hell-" I begin, turning around to see who it was, only to be stunned to silence. The man in front of me wasn't like anything I'd seen before: Tall and lanky with tight leather pants, a white v-neck, a designer leather jacket with those trendy stud things on it, leather bedazzled boots, bright blue hair filled with multi-colored glitter, and bright yellow cat-eyes. It was well, distracting. "Ah yes, don't drool, though I do tend to have that effect on men." He says airily, waving a hand in the air.

I hear Alec snort and that brings me back to my senses. "I wasn't drooling." I snap defensively, eyeing the stranger. "He is definitely a specimen, but kind of dense." He trials off, examining me from head to toe. What is even happening? "Nothing compared to my Alec though." He says smugly, turning and kissing him smack on the lips. Wait what? I feel a smile edge onto my face.

When Glitter Guy pulls away Alec's face is flushed a deep rose color. "It's cool man." I say nodding at them and heading inside. "My name is Magnus, darling!" the man calls from outside the door. I don't know if Alec was expecting me to reject him, but that would never happen.

"I was thinking of cooking some-" Izzy yells from the kitchen and I interrupt immediately. "Are you trying to kill someone?"

"I will be if everyone keeps insulting my cooking.." I hear her mutter mostly to herself. It was good to have them home, the house had felt empty and alone without them. I was empty and alone without them.

I trot up the stairs into my room and flop onto the perfectly made bed. I usually prefer an unmade bed, but Marse insists I make it for some reason. I turn my head to the right and stare out the large window showing a perfect view of Clary's home. I see her standing outside her car pacing, staring down at the screen of her phone, panicked look coating her features.

Probably just missed a movie-marathon with Simon or something. I decide, trying to erase her expression from my mind. It was still there though, at the center of my thoughts.

Something seemed very wrong.

_Clary:_

"I am coming" the text said.

**What did you think?  
What is Sebastian going to do?  
Will Jace save her?  
Will Simon reveal his true feelings?  
Please, please review!**

**xx-Kelse**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello darlings, thank you so much for reading my story up to this point! Please review, it means so so much and lets me know if my story\chapter was good or needs tweaking. Thanks again. Stay strong, you've made it up to this point, you can make it until tomorrow. I love you. This chapter will be at Clary's party(: read on!**

**xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I think I finally figured out high school. It's just a bunch of people who all hate each other pretending to like each other for short periods of time. Take Rose and Becky for an example: they act like best friends but anytime one of them isn't around, the other gossips non-stop about her. It's so frustrating; the human race really is dense. I've taken extra care to notice it, considering it was surrounding me on all sides.

Anyways, I'm in a booth attempting to read, but the painstakingly bright strobe lights and thundering music makes it pretty impossible. That's right, I'm at a club, some overrated place called the Pandemonium. And it's very much so my birthday, although in my opinion this isn't 'celebrating'. Celebrating would be me and Simon back at the house eating too much cake and watching Modern Family re-runs.

But Simon had his mind set to a party, saying some shit about me "needing to socialize more." Too bad for him I still won't be socializing anytime soon; at least not with this crowd. I have to admit, there is a pretty big sized group that came, nearly the whole grade. Except for three people of course: Seelie, Jace, and Sebastian. And thank the Angel for that, I don't think I can handle any of them right now.

I just can't seem to get him out of my head, the way he looked at me, the way he almost kissed me, the way he opened up. God, I can't believe I'm turning into one of those love-obsessed fangirls. I mean seriously? Me and Jace? Impossible, way too much history.

Put that next to the fact that he's 'way out of my league' and there is no way in hell anything could happen between us. Part of me is still screaming at the top of it's lungs, telling me it was all a scheme, that I would never be good enough. And then there was part of me whispering in my ear softly, telling me it was real, telling me it could happen.

But it can't ever possibly work, he has already done too much damage, he broke me. Seelie definitely tears off layers of skin, hurts me, but he ripped me in two and stomped on me. The saddest part is, he still does.

Even though we had that 'moment', he still tortures me, even more so in a way. I'm so naive thinking someone like him could ever care for someone like me. As my brother always said, "People don't change, what they choose to do with themselves does." So Jace's totally unreasonable and passionate hatred for me won't just dissipate, he would just choose to stop tormenting me because of it. Hopefully.

Sighing annoyedly I stand up and decide now would be a pretty fantastic time to pee. Maybe if I'm lucky there will be a bathroom window I can crawl out of.

I shove my way through the packed crowd, making sure not to let Simon see me, otherwise I would be sucked into this mess. Finally out of the crowd I head down a corridor to my left, hoping it has a bathroom. I really need to go. I see a sign ahead and can't quite make out the small lettering in the terrible lighting. Taking a few steps closer and squinting I make it out. Mens.

"Goddammit. It's my freaking birthday and I am stuck here. And I can't even find a restroom." I mutter quietly cursing profanity under my breath. Sharply turning around I head back towards the booming sound of the electro music. From in here the music is distant, and the people unseen. It is like another world.

Maybe I will grab my book and read here later. Suddenly I feel an arm wrap around my waist tightly, it would surely leave some bruising. Omigod. Someone has me. My breathing becomes labored and shallow as my heart pounds loudly in my chest. I am frozen, mind to scared to think. I do the only thing I can and scream. "HEL-" I start to scream, only to have a large, calloused hand cover my mouth.

No, no, no, no. This can't be real. I feel tears form in my already terrified eyes. It's Sebastian's hand.

_Jace:_

"I'm actually impressed, thought the party would be lame knowing Clary." I state, taking in the club and my surroundings. "Yah well as much as I enjoy standing here with you idiots, I'm going to go dance." Isabelle says with a wink, sauntering into the close-packed crowd. "If by dance she means hook up." Alec mutters sarcastically, shooting daggers at the boy Isabelle was 'dancing' with.

"Well I think we can all agree I am the best looking person here." Magnus flaunts with a grin, examining the people in the crowd. "You definitely stand out the most.." I murmur, scowling slightly at the tall man gripping Alec's hand tightly. Though I act as if I dislike him, I actually don't mind the glitter coated man. "Excuse me, darling?" Magnus questions, raising a curious eyebrow at me. "Ah.. well I said I'm going to get a drink."

"Thought so." He queers, pulling my half-reluctant step brother to the dance floor.

I head off to get a drink, this place was practically famous for serving underage teens. I plop into a stool and order a vodka and lime. I close my eyes and feel the entire place practically pulse with life. I love places like this, they make me feel solid, real.

I would be lying if I said I believed Clary threw this, because this is nothing like her. Angel, I have to stop thinking about this goddamn girl. Closing my eyes I chug the medium sized drink in front of me, feeling the satisfying burn down my throat. It was comforting to know after so many of these pleasant drinks, all the pain and worry will just evaporate.

Sadly, it comes back ten fold in the morning. That's the reason I never ever get drunk, I can't handle the utter depression the next day. No exhilaration is worth that feeling. I look next to me and notice I'm the only sober one sitting here: one guy is passed out, another looks as if he might throw up any second, and the rest are laughing or talking like idiots. I take pride in my self-control.

Then I hear it. The sharp scream of a young girl. Hopping out of my chair I sprint down the hall where it came from. The corridor is empty, cut off from the rest of the club, and marginally quieter. I hate it. I stop breathing as I hear a slight scuffle and a grunt behind a cracked supply closet. I'm about to turn around, thinking it's a very drunk couple doing untold things to each other when I see it. The flash of crimson. Clary is in there. Growl making it's way up the back of my throat I slam open the door and look inside. Clary is on the floor, curled up in fetal position, eyes squeezed shut tightly and _whimpering._

I am seething. I see the boy standing over her, smirking pridefully, and I grab him, tossing him out of the room. He is thrown back into a plaster wall, making a large crack as he makes contact. But right now I don't care. He hurt Clary. My Clary. I walk in slowly, and sit down beside her, legs crossed.

"Hey.." I whisper kindly, "it's me, you're safe now." I see her flinch at the noise of a male voice, but then recognition fills her face and her eyes flutter open to look deep into mine. God she's beautiful. "It's alright, I've got you." I whisper again, noticing the fear still etched into her eyes. Her muscles loosen slightly, and I take it as a sign of submission. I scoop my arms around her petite body and pull her into my lap.

"Shhh.." I murmur at her heaving sobs, stroking her hair soothingly. She lifts her tear stained face from my lap, to look deep into my eyes. That's what used to scare me so much about her, how it felt as if she could see right through me and my facade. Then I do something crazy, probably slightly influenced from the vodka: "I think I may be falling in love with you.." I whisper, rubbing circles on her back.

Her once thankful face goes hard and unreachable. "You think you can treat me like you did, and just expect me to forgive and forget?" She whispers savagely, nose scrunching up with anger. "I'm sorry… I was afraid." I say, ashamed with my past self and built up walls suddenly. What purpose did they serve? All the while I thought I was protecting myself, but I was losing myself. But whenever I'm with Clary, I return.

"Scared of what? Ruining your ego?" She sneers, still staring straight into my broken eyes, challenging me. I knew Clary wouldn't use my brokeness as an exception for my behavior, she had it rough too.

"No." I whisper almost inaudibly, "I was scared of loving you. But I do, and I'm done pretending I don't. I'm done building up my walls, I'm done being cruel. I just want to be me again, I want to be real. I'm usually torn up into little pieces, unsure and fake, but something about you makes me feel whole again." She just stares at me for a while, mind hard at work, deciding how to respond. So I respond for her. I tilt my head down and bring my lips to hers softly, tugging her closer to me.

And she kisses me back.

**Hi!  
****THEY KISSED AHH! MORE KISSING DETAILS NEXT CHAPTER, K?  
HAH SEBASTIAN HAS A CONCUSSION, SUCK IT BASTARD!  
AHH THE CLACE FEELS(:  
WHAT WILL SIMON THINK?  
WILL CLARY ACCEPT JACE?  
REVIEW PLEASEEE.**

**LOVE YOU ALL!  
xx- Kelse**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello darlings, sorry it's been a while! Anyways, here is the next chapter: kissing details and some drama! Anyways, almost done with the Forever((: its so beautiful ergh.. Stay strong my loved ones, one day light will shine through, and you want to ****live to see that day. Love you all.  
****xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I don't know why I'm kissing him back, it's as if I'm in autopilot. All my senses are filled with him, hands in his soft golden locks, breathing in the refreshing smell of his mint-like cologne, tasting his his lime flavored lips. His lips and tongue move perfectly with mine, sending shivers down my spine, and I can't help but wonder how many times he's done this.

I also can't help but notice how his lips fit on mine perfectly, or how I fit into his chest like a missing puzzle piece, but being human my mind keeps returning to the 'how many times' card. It's as if right now, in this moment, there is only me and him. No pain, no past, no future, just now. Just him. But of course I have to sour the moment with my insecurities.

I pull away, gasping for air. I look up into his tawny eyes and see them filled with pure ecstasy. "How many times have you" I start, having to take a break to breathe again, "done this.." I finish, gazing expectantly into his eyes. I bite down on my swollen bottom lip, bracing myself for the worst. It's not like he's going to admit that he's been secretly in love with me since the moment he saw me, as I have him.

"Err.." He murmurs, cheeks flooding with light pink embarrassment. I knew it. "Well if you thought this was just another hook up, and you could charm me into it.. You were wrong. I'm not that type of girl. You know, I can't believe when it was over I thought it might have actually _meant_ something to you. But obviously I was wrong, I mean one day, this will just be another kiss you can barely remember, won't it?" I spit, getting to my feet and reaching for the grubby handle of the closet.

Maybe I am being a bit melodramatic, but I am right. One day, he won't even remember this. But I will, and I don't plan on falling any farther into his trap. He's like a poison dart frog, beautiful and rare, but extremely dangerous, get too close and it will kill you. And I wasn't going to give Jace the chance to get close enough to try.

I look up and see his expression is filled with remorse and hurt. "Clary, it does matter to me. Nothing has ever mattered more. Please just give me a shot.." Jace whispers, voice hoarse and nervous. Closing my eyes I consider his offer. He seems genuinely sorry, and what could possibly go wrong?

"One shot.." I groan, "Only one, don't mess it up."

_Jace:_

She's giving me a chance. I can't stop grinning, but I don't think she's noticed. The kiss was.. toxic. That's the only word I can come up with to describe it, to describe us. Together we are so dangerous, explosive, but it's worth every risk in the world to me.

I know I'm beginning to sound like some guy from an overrated Nicholas Sparks film, but I just can't help it. It's starting to piss me off a little. Anyways back to the toxic perspective, I feel as if we are a ticking bomb, and one day we will blow up. Like fate keeps attempting to tear us apart, but we keep on fighting back. All I know is I need her.

I don't know if I can live without her. Dammit, there I go again sounding all over-romantic. But she has changed me, whether she knows it or not. I know now that I am capable of loving. I'm terrified. I think I see us a bomb because I've always been told, "to love is to destroy," and I love her, so we will destroy each other.

But I will fight for her, for us. Right now we have the obstacle of Sebastian, but he is nothing compared to what I know we will have to face eventually. It will be obstacle after obstacle, and they will keep getting harder and harder. But that's life.

I smile warmly at her as I open the car door and help her in. She said she wanted to go home, so I offered to drive, considering the fact she is still in some shock. I promised to myself that if that creep ever lays a hand on her again, I will kill him. But I'm not going to tell her that slightly morbid decision.

Shutting the door behind her I walk over and climb into the drivers seat. It has been hours since the alcohol, and I didn't have much. I turn on the car and begin to pull out.

"Shit!" Clary mutters, glaring angrily at her phone screen.

"What's wrong?" I ask, glancing over at her quickly before retiring my gaze to the never-ending road. Sometimes I wish I could just get in my car with Clary and we could just drive and drive and live in some quaint town where no one knows us. We would be so happy. "Well, you see. Maia and Jordan are at a business meeting until very late, and I don't have a key."

I snort, taking in the information. Wait, she can stay with me. I grin lopsidedly at the thought, I won't try anything of course, but it still would be nice.. "You will just have to stay the night at my place." I state casually, as if my heart isn't spasmodically vibrating under my ribcage. "I guess so." She says as if she doesn't care, but I can hear the twinge of nervousness and excitement in her tone.

|XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX|

_Clary:_

"I can't believe my house is right there and I can't get in.." I grumble, practically throwing myself from the vehicle. I hear Jace chuckle and the honk as he locks the car. "Well come on inside." He states, ushering me in with a hand. Jaces house is one of those mansions where you feel like you're degrading everything you touch. It feels and looks like a museum. Jace unlocks the huge oak doors and I step in cautiously.

"I apologize in advance for breaking whatever it is I end up accidentally breaking." I groan, wincing as I tiptoe through the entryway that looks nearly unlived in. The home is cold, and uninviting. At least that's what I thought until we step into the kitchen.

It's painted a warm, rosy pink color, with mocha granite counter tops and cream cabinets. It looks inviting and very, very feminine. I glance around again to see the back of a tall girl with mid-back length shiny black hair and a perfect figure. I immediately feel self conscious with my frizzy red hair and boy like body.

Jace clears his throat and the girl turns around sharply, caught off guard at our presence. If I thought I felt self conscious before, that was nothing. Her striking coffee eyes pierce through me and her pale, flawless skin practically glowing. I feel like I've shrunk four feet.

She smiles kindly at me, and walks up to me. I hold out my hand, expecting her to shake it but she simply pulls me into a bear hug. "Nice to meet you I'm Izzy." She says cheerily, voice softened by the fabric on my sweater where her face is. All earlier unsureness seems to evaporate at her friendliness. Pulling away I smile and say, "Clary Fray, friend of Jace's."

"Oh Angel no, you didn't seem like the type but- please don't tell me you're about to go up to Jace's room with him and make unreasonably loud noises." She groans, sliding a slender hand down her face dramatically, perfectly painted red nails glittering. I feel my face pale in disgust and sudden realization. Jace must have brought a lot of girls back here. "What?! No, I would never-" I sputter out, heat rising to my cheeks.

"No, she lives next door and got locked out, has nowhere to stay." Jace explains, glaring angrily up at who I presume is his sister. They do have one thing in common: beauty. "Oh thank the angel!" Isabelle practically shouts, grinning like a maniac as she pulls me into another bone-crushing hug. "Isabelle, I think you're frightening her." Jace says boredly from behind me.

"Oh shut it!" Izzy snaps, pulling away and saying a quick goodnight.

"Sorry about Izzy.. She can tend to be a little too friendly sometimes, but I still love her." He chuckles, taking my hand and leading me upstairs.

I nod, deciding not to mention I thought Izzy seemed really cool. He leads me into a room with white walls, a grey bedspread and white nightstands. It's bland yet comforting. "You guys need some more color in this guest room!" I say, laughing nervously. "Not a guest room, it's my room, and I like it how it is." Jace responds cooly, throwing me a big navy tshirt and some sweatpants.

"Sorry and thanks." I mutter, heading into the bathroom and throwing on the clothes.

I walk out and see Jace sprawled on the floor near his bed. "Oh God! You don't have to I will sleep on the floor!" I practically shout in horror, I am not planning on owing him anything. "It's fine I'd rather you have the bed.." He mutters sleepily, yawning obnoxiously. "I can't I feel awful." I say taken aback at his kindness, most teenage boys would've stayed in the bed with the girl, not been as kind as this.

Maybe he is different. I kneel down beside him and brush the curls from his beautiful face. "Jace?" I whisper, edging my face nearer and nearer to his. "Mhm.." He says, eyes cracking open slightly, gold piercing through green. "Thank you." I whisper, bringing my lips to his in a featherlight kiss that says everything that I can't bring myself to: I love you.

**Well there you go!  
What will be their biggest obstacle?  
For a kissing scene next chapter: 21 reviews!  
R&amp;R^ hope thats motivating  
Stay strong darlings  
xx-Kelse**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hello darlings! Sorry it's been a while, I have three essays for school): anyways, this chapter includes: an overwhelmingly adorable Clace date(: Will they reveal secrets, or lock away their morbid pasts? 12 reviews for a faster update and a kissing scene!  
****Love all of you, I promise you're good enough.  
xx- Kelse**

_Clary:_

_"_Simon! I've said sorry at least twenty times!" I grumble into the phone pressed between my ear and shoulder. I pick at my cuticles, annoyance filling me to the brim.

"Well technically, eighteen. But who's counting, right?" He jokes sarcastically. I can practically feel his taunting eyes on me. "I'm sorry. I'm _sorry."_ I groan, blowing excess air between my lips, making a horse-like noise. "Didn't really sound like you meant it? Try again maybe this time put some more emotion behin-" He starts, attempting to hold in his laughter.

"Simon Lewis, I have apologized twenty times, don't expect to hear it again." I snap bitterly, scrunching up my nose slightly. "I mean it is just a huge gig that I spent weeks of tireless effort, and convincing to book you, but you know, just don't show at the last minute. It's all good."

I snort at the 'tireless effort' part. "Simon you spent five minutes and booked me at a rundown bar.. Tireless effort my ass." I smirk, knowing he couldn't argue with my logic, considering it is the truth. "Fine Fray, be that way." He fake sniffles, but I can tell he's smiling.

"Love you Lewis.." I say as sweetly as I can before I hang up, sliding the worn out phone in my back-pocket. I have on charcoal grey skinny jeans, a dark green and bronze airy, sheer gypsy shirt, and my suede tan combat boots. I actually cleaned up pretty nice for once.

I examine my face with a small amount of face makeup to dull the freckles, some dark eyeliner, mascara, and light pink lipstick. I throw my mess of curls into two french braids and grab my leather satchel.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

"M'lady," Jace queers, smiling happily at me as he holds the door of his old worn-out truck. I hop in, buckling my seat belt and leaning back in the plush seat. The entire car smells of fresh mint and brisk air, just like Jace.

I agreed to go on a date with him yesterday, right before I left his house. We are going to some local dinner place. I'm practically pulsing with nerves and anticipation, it's a good yet slightly nauseating feeling.

The car starts up, gasoline fragrance filling the humid air. I hang my arm out of the open window, close my eyes and lean back into the old leather seat.

The air catches on my fingertips, causing my hand to fly backward, letting me know we have started to drive. Then I get an idea; I haven't done this in years. I loosen my seatbelt and stick my chest and head out the window, letting my open arms flail in the strong, brisk wind current.

I keep my eyes shut, feeling the air hit my face, blowing my hair haphazardly. I feel so free, like I'm a bird, able to go wherever I want, fly from my problems.

"Turn on the alternative channel." I command loudly, making sure Jace can hear me through the loud gusts of wind. I hear the refreshing music blare only moments later, acoustic tune and soothing voice filling my bones and burning through my chest.

This is living. This is how it feels to be happy; not just fake smiling, protecting myself happy. I'm on cloud nine.

_"Oh lights go down  
In the moment we're lost and found  
I just wanna be by your side  
If these wings could fly"_

I sing quietly into the wind, voice filled with eery emotion. You know how every person just has that one song they connect to, and it becomes part of who they are? Well that's me with this song.

I'm lost, still waiting to be found. And I have this fantasy that one day I will sprout wings and fly away, fly away and find my happiness. I pull my head back in the car and quickly try to fix my tousled hair.

"Looks like someone was enjoying herself." Jace chuckles, moving his hand from his lap to my hand, covering it and rubbing soft circles on it.

"It's indescribable," I begin, looking at his concentrated face as he gazes at the empty, sinuous road ahead, "the way it feels to have the wind in your hair, the music in your ears, it's as if everything melts away and all that matters is right then. Not yesterday, not last month, not two years from now. Just here, in this moment. It's freedom." I say bringing my knees to my chest and lying my head on them.

I hear his breathing intake sharply at my description. With him, I feel as if I can talk about anything. And it's totally insane considering he used to torment me, and I barely know him. But it's the way I feel, my heart tells me this is good for me, that he is good for me. I just hope my heart is right.

|xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx|

_Jace:_

"So what's with you?" Clary asks quietly, glancing up at me with those luminous green eyes. I stare at the surrounding trees, the noise of the breeze rustling the leaves, the small forest animals scurrying about.

"What about me?" I say curiously, glancing down at the cracked stone bench we are lounging on. I took Clary out for dinner and then she said she knows a good place to just relax. So we came here, to her secret hideout.

"I don't know, you and your mysterious shit. I want to hear your story." She queers, shrugging lightly and examining a maple leaf intensely. I can tell she's not that interested in it though, just uncomfortable with her recently asked question.

"Well where do I start?" I mutter quietly, mostly talking to myself. I'm obviously going to tell her, I trust her. Maybe if I tell her this she'll trust me.

"The beginning.." She whispers, scooting her body closer to mine and laying her head on my shoulder. I immediately wrap an arm around her and bring her even closer. "Well I was raised by a very rich family," I begin, taking special care not to look at her as I relive my morbid past.

"They were practically famous, everyone knew who they were. They would take me for ice-cream, hold my hand in public, buy me toys, say they loved me. People thought they were the definition of perfect parents, but they weren't. They were monsters, and all that was an act for the public."

I take a deep breathe, closing my eyes and gathering my courage. Thinking about this is hard, reliving it with the girl I think I might be falling in love with is impossible.

"My dad was always drunk, vodka and scotch hidden all in his office. He was always wasted, so most of the time he was just locked in his office, silently drinking away his sorrows. There were times, though, when he would come out and just beat the shit out of my mom, for no reason. He would sit me on the couch and tell me to watch, tell me that there is no love, there is only an illusion of it as he stomped on her limp body."

"But I didn't believe him, because he was sadistic and bitter. One day he eventually died from drinking too much, I was eight. At his funeral, mother still cried, and I didn't understand why. I mean he beat her, he beat her own son. But she still loved him."

"And eventually she became resentful and angry. She had all this built up sexual need and well, by that time I was fourteen. I think you can guess what- what she did. If I didn't listen, or obey, she would sit me in the shower, and cook up hot oil. She would pour it all over my back and arms. It hurt like hell, skin festered and peeled off, burnt and melted. And she would just laugh cheerfully, as if it were a good time."

"Each time she would tell me that this is what love does to you, peels your skin off and eats you alive. As she always said, 'To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed.' And I believed her. Because I always loved her, even through all that. But she wasn't the same anymore, she had gone completely mad. One day she had a seizure from the anti-psychotics she was taking, which weren't exactly helping much. So I was put in the foster system, crazed and alone. But then I found the Lightwoods and I'm fine. Better now that I've found you." I mutter, feeling hollow at the morbid memories.

"Can I see them..?" Clary asks quietly, glancing at me cautiously, as if scared I would be offended. I nod slowly, pulling up my sleeves and turning my head away so I don't have to see her disgusted expression. She doesn't gasp, cry out, wince. Silence. Then I feel it, her fingertip lightly tracing over them, causing my entire body to tremble at the sensation. "I like them. They make you look all hot and badass." She says, smiling up at me and peppering light kisses up my arm.

I sigh, feeling the pleasant vibes of her lips on my skin. She accepted me, no she did more, she embraced me.

I feel her lips leave my arm, and her hot breath tickle the back of my neck, causing goosebumps to rise everywhere. No girl has ever done this to me.

"Want to see mine?"

**AHH THEY ARE SO PERFECT AND IMPERFECT AT THE SAME TIME!  
12 REVIEWS?!  
So Jace opened up, and Clary will to a degree next chapter.  
Cant even comprehend the adorableness.  
R&amp;R  
goodbye, darlings.**

**xx- Kelse**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi darlings, sorry it's been for ever... I feel awful but I wasn't doing very well. Anyways, I PROMISE to update regularly from here on out, I really hope you haven't given up on me or the story yet. I understand if you have though :c You have my complete and utter apology. Anyways, here is the next chapter. Expect: fluff, kissing, traveling and revealed secrets.. Love all of you even if you don't love ****yourselves. You matter I promise. PLEASE REVIEW?! I really need it rn):  
xx-Kelse**

_Clary:_

I love the feeling of when your in a plane, high up in the air, yet still low enough as to see the ground. It's so comforting, seeing your life from a different perspective, looking down at the once towering building as if they are toys. Seeing your daunting school as a speck in a blob of green. It's like you can take a deep breath and say "I'm okay." It's like your in a parallel universe, watching the your crazed life from above, from a viewing point

It helps you realize, that exam you failed doesn't matter, the world won't end. This is what's running through my head as I sit strapped in the plane, staring dreamily down at Earth from the cloudy mist. I feel Jace's hand wrapped loosely around mine, indicating he is still asleep. I have my white earphones in blaring Sleeping with Sirens on repeat, something about their lyrics is so relatable.

I lean my head back on the headrest feeling the familiar vibration of the engine, considering we are seated in the back of the plane. My high school is having a school trip to London, some shit about experiencing new cultures and seeing what the world around us is like. Pretty much the whole school will be attending, including Sebastian. Which is terrifying.

I still haven't told Jace everything, I told him it was an old boyfriend, someone he didn't know. I know Jace would freak if I told him, and try to murder Sebastian. And if he did that Sebastian would know I told, and I might as well be dead. I just want for things to stay simple, like they are right now.

My lips quirk up at the feeling of Jace's thumb rubbing soft circles on my hand; he's finally up. Opening my droopy eyes I lean over and kiss him, right on the lips, in front of _everyone. _Shit! I inwardly curse, about to push away when Jace pulls me closer, wrapping an arm around my neck.

His lips are fast and passionate against mine, as if we are out of time and we can't waste any, but they are also gentle and caring, saying he loves me. As he kisses me I melt into a separate world; a world of just me and Jace. I completely forget we are surrounded by gaping classmates who have no idea we are together.

His hand tugs at my hair, pulling it out of it's ponytail, and I feel myself involuntarily shiver, goosebumps rising on my skin from his intoxicating touch. I pull away abruptly, breathing short and heavy. We had to stop at some point. My lips are still tingling.

"We're on a plane.." I let out, still trying to catch my breath. "Yes, yes we are." Jace mutters, grinning goofily as if I am the funniest thing he's ever laid eyes on. "What? Do I have something on my face?" I blurt out, cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "No, I just love you so much." He whispers, but loud enough that others can hear, considering silence has overtaken the plane after our scene. He grins again, pulling my now even redder face back in for another kiss.

His lips barely brush mine before I push him away giggling. "Still on a plane, Romeo." I say, trying to withhold a smile. "And your point is?" He questions, quirking an eyebrow. I shake my head laughing before grabbing his hand and leaning into the seat again.

"Hah I always knew Fray was easy, but never would've guessed total whore." A voice queers from two or so seats behind us. I don't even have to turn around to know who spoke, the voice driven into my head. Seelie. I want to curl in on myself, hide myself from her, from everyone.

"Oh Seelie, don't think I've forgotten about earlier this year when you said you'd pay me to sleep with you." Jace says sarcasm and fake happiness lacing his tone. The whole plane breaks out into laughter, the whole plane except four people: Seelie, me, Jace, and Sebastian. He sits diagonal from me, face hard, hiding whatever it is he is feeling.

He's onion I think, discreet and unreadable on the outside, but once you pull away a couple layers you're left with a smell and stinging sensation bad enough to bring you to tears. He is staring directly at me, stare unwavering, hard. I almost wish he looked angry or upset, not this emotionless stare. He looks lifeless, as if he's empty inside and all is left is the corpse.

I know he isn't empty though, there is fury running through his every vein, there always has been.

_Simon:_

They kissed. Clary and Jace. Jace the boy who has tormented me and Clary all year, who made her cut, who caused more sob sessions than I can count, who made her feel worthless. And she just _kissed _him. I was waiting for her, waiting for her to open her eyes and see we are meant to be. I feel like my heart has just been run over and torn to pieces. I waited too long.

I feel an unfamiliar sensation run through me, something like jealousy. Bitterness. I hate the way they are looking at each other, I hate him, I hate myself. I close my eyes as I feel them fill with watery sadness.

I love her. I always have. I just let her slip between my fingers, and now she's out of my reach. I have to get her back, if I don't I think I might die.

_Sebastian:_

She's looking at me. I'm still looking at her, masking my raging emotions. I smirk at her, as if saying: _get ready. _I'm getting her back no matter what it takes, I have to feel what it feels like to hit her again, to control her, to own her. She belongs to me, and if she thinks she can escape than she is sadly mistaken. Still staring her dead in the eyes, I crack my knuckles and lick my lips, smiling falsely at her before turning back to face my seat.

She has no idea what's coming her way.

**Thank you for reading, 15 reviews please? I really need the support right now so it would be cherished. You all mean so much to me(:  
What is Seb planning?  
What will happen in London?  
How far is Simon willing to go to get Clary back?  
Will Clary reveal her former abuser to Jace?  
****R&amp;R  
Please review what you think!**

**xx-Kelse**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hey it's kelse, sorry I haven't updated in a while.. it's a long story but I should be pretty regular from now on. Okay COHF is ****amazing btw, I literally worship Cassie(: Anyways here is a chapter.. its gonna have some SERIOUS feels. And hey, it may not seem like it but you are important, remember that. Love all of you. Please review, hope you haven't given up on me or this story! **

_Clary_

I suck in a breath and keep my puffy, red eyes trained on the worn cobblestone of the London streets. My hand sweats nervously in Jace's as I try to ignore them. The stares, that is. Ever since that kiss on the plane gossip has spread like a wildfire. _He kissed her? Oh he's just trying to get her in bed. _or _Wow Jace must have an ugly girl fetish. _or my personal favorite _That Clary girl must be a real slut to keep Jace around. _And I know none of these things said are true, but they keep biting and pulling at my outer skin, threatening to rip me to pieces.

Today, I ripped. The constant stares and mockery is just too much. And it really pisses me off that Jace can just ignore it, act like they aren't there.

"It's okay," He whispers soothingly in my ear, hot breath tickling my neck. "Don't mind them they are just jealous." I snort at that. _Jealous? Hardly. _"Yeah Jace, they are jealous of a frizzy haired freak with her head constantly in a sketch pad. Makes sense. Thanks, I feel a lot better now." I flinch at the bitter sound of my voice, surprised. Apparently he is too considering his face flashes with hurt and sorrow.

"Clary, stop. Follow me." He says, shaking his head at me and putting an arm on my shoulder to direct me into an empty alley.

"Hey skank! Mind heading into the next alley with me?" A masculine and sarcastic voice yells from the crowd of stares. The entire group snickers, and I can _feel _the harsh amusement in their gaze. I feel my fist ball up and the blood run to my face. I can't keep doing this.

"Shhh.." Jace says, unballing my fingers with his, and leaning down to kiss each knuckle. I sigh at the pleasant sparks of his lips on my skin.

Maybe this all is bothering me more because I still can't believe a guy like Jace loves someone like me. I still am not certain of his feelings for me. I mean, he's said the 'L' word enough that it would seem he does, and the way he looks at me as if he sees some gift from heaven, but I still can't believe it. It's like my insecurities have to ruin every good thing that happens to me.

The noise of the hustle-and-bustle of London quiets as we walk further into the alleyway, my feet crunching loudly on the scattered stones. Then, we stop, and I feel Jace's arms around me, encasing me in warmth.

I break down, sobs I've held in shoving their way up my throat, eyes flooding with salty tears. My body trembles and shakes, threatening to give way, but Jace holds on tightly, keeping me up, like always.

I lift my wet face from his shoulder and look up into those mesmerizing tawny eyes of his, and I see them filled with so many things. They are brewing with compassion, anger, sorrow, love, tenderness. I sniffle and decide to ask the big question, the one I've been dying to ask, yet not wanting an answer to.

"Do you actually love me?" I whisper, barely audible, still staring into his eyes so I would be able to catch any deception.

For a moment he looks bewildered and then the same expression he had before returns, except filled even more with love. He cups his hands on my face and brings it to his, so close our noses touch.

"More than I thought possible." He says, and his voice doesn't quaver, eyes don't move. And in that moment I know he's telling me the truth.

"I love you too. I didn't think I would, but I do. More than I've ever loved anything." I whisper and bring my lips to his, soft at first. Next thing I know he's lifting me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, hands running through his silky golden curls.

My back slams into a wall and we are still kissing, all tongue and teeth and passion. The kiss says so many things: I love you, trust you, adore you. My whole body feels like it's exploding, his hands on me creating a fire wherever they go.

My hands trace his body, the planes of his ribs and spine, the indentations of his hip bones, to the taut muscle of his stomach.

We break apart gasping for breath. "I don't care what they say. You are mine and I am yours. No amount of ridicule will change that." Jace whispers and I nod, deciding he's right.

They don't matter, two people matter in my life and those people are Jace and Simon. "Don't let me go." I say, lips coming closer to his once more.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

_Simon_

"One cappuccino please." I say kindly, smiling up at the young waitress. She looks in her mid-twenties, I'm guessing she just graduated from college and is working here part-time.

"Coming right up." She says in a honey-sweet accent, turning and heading back to the kitchen. I sigh and begin to draw on the hard wood table of the café once more. Tracing her name over and over again as I think of her. I just can't get her out of my head.

The slight curve of her lips, her bright eyes, her flawless skin, sarcastic attitude, and just well her. It's like she's on replay in my head, one of those old broken record players that keep playing the same thing over and over and over.

I guess that's what she does to most guys, leaves them entranced and addicted. I know I stand no chance, I'm me and she's well.. She's Isabelle.

_Raphael_

"Hello Raphael." A proper, yet menacing voice says from they darkness. "Ahh, I didn't see you there." I say in response, flashing a quick smile to my next customer. His smile flashes in the darkness, razor sharp and gleaming white. There is something cruel about the smile, the kind of smile a crazy person gets after killing someone.

I hold back a shudder as I respond, careful not to show my anxiousness. "I have what you asked for amigo." I say, nodding toward the paper bag in my hands. His hand comes out and plucks the bag from mine, in a graceful yet powerful way.

There is something so dark and immense about this boy, something I can't put a finger on. I hear the crinkle of paper and he opens it and pulls out the item inside.

He holds it in his hands carefully examining it. He clicks off the safety and aims at the brick wall, pulling the trigger. He laughs manically at the satisfactory sound of the shot.

"This will do just fine."

REVIEW PLEASE!  
Jace and Clary are so cute I can't even  
Will Clary learn to ignore them?  
What the hell is Sebastian doing with that gun?  
And will simon meet isabelle again?  
Has Simon gotten over Clary?

xx-Kelse


	14. Chapter 14

**hello darlings, I love all of you(: Super sad the last chapter only got 3 reviews.. did I do something wrong? Anyways if I did please tell me. In this chapter expect a very unexpected and mind-blowing event to take place(; Please review, your nice comments are all that keep me going sometimes.. so please review. Anyways here goes nothing! (you are yourself, and that's the best thing you can ever be)**

_Jace_

I slurp at the extremely hot, bitter coffee, reveling in the way it scalds my lips. Focusing on the under-rated diner coffee in my hands is a lot easier, considering it helps me _not _focus on how awkward this meeting is.

Clary's best friend, Simon, called and said he thinks we should get coffee. I immediately replied saying if he wanted to ask me on a date he could've at least come up with something exciting. I was expecting this to all be set up by Clary as a "best friend get to know and like boyfriend" kinda thing. But it wasn't her.

So here I am, awkwardly drinking coffee and not speaking to the person who invited me, who in return also isn't speaking to me. I cough abruptly, looking up at him.

"What am I doing here?" I ask, raising a questioning eyebrow at him. He looks as if he is going to be sick, and raises his coffee brow eyes to mine. The glint of his signature oversized glasses almost make his eyes look bigger, like a deer in headlights.

"Well..." He mutters, cheeks flushing with embarrassment. I sigh dramatically and reach for my backpack, "I'm not spending my Saturday afternoon in _London_ having coffee with a boy who refuses to speak to me." I say exasperated.

"Wait!" I hear his voice ring in my ears, alert and sharp. I sit down, prepping myself for an 'if you hurt her, I hurt you' speech. But then again, I have been wrong before.

And I was wrong. This is a 'You two need to break up' speech. "You tormented and harassed her for _months_ Jace! I have no idea in hell why she would still go for you, but she did. She is so fragile right now, like a piece of crystal covered in cracks. If she's dropped again, she'll shatter. Do you really want to do that to her?"

I feel anger bubbling in my veins, causing heat to pour from my body, he has no idea.

"You have no idea who I am, why I did the things I did, what I _feel _for Clary. I motherfucking love her and if you think I'm just going to let her go than you are clearly out of your mind. What, you don't think she'll shatter if I break her heart now? You don't think I know how rough she has it? I'm not going to hurt her, I'm going to keep her safe. I love her."

The words leave my mouth quicker than I can think of them. It's as if all I've wanted to say to everyone bothering us about our relationship all week just came bubbling out. I look up to see Simon's mouth gaping open, astonishment etched onto his face.

I get up and set a five on the table, "I think we're done here." I mutter, stalking out of the restaurant.

_Clary_

"Your lights are on, but you're not home

Your mind is not your own  
Your heart sweats, your body shakes  
Another kiss is what it takes  
You can't sleep, you can't eat  
There's no doubt, you're in deep  
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe  
Another kiss is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

You see the signs, but you can't read  
You're runnin' at a different speed  
Your heart beats in double time  
Another kiss and you'll be mine, a one track mind  
You can't be saved  
Oblivion is all you crave  
If there's some left for you  
You don't mind if you do

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love

[break]

Your lights are on, but you're not home  
Your will is not your own  
You're heart sweats, your teeth grind  
Another kiss and you'll be mine  
Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love  
Might as well face it, you're addicted to love"

The crowd cheers out from the dark, yelling for more. Mortality is practically dripping off of them; dripping off of me. My hair sticks to my neck and forehead haphazardly, sweat pouring off me. The club is buzzing with energy and life.

I see the slight sway of bodies, the clashing of lips, and the lust shaded eyes. From the stage I can see _everything. _The strobe lights flash endlessly, sending colors bouncing off walls, illuminating once faceless bodies.

I love this place, the rush I feel, the freedom. The smell of alcohol drifts through the air, reminding me why these people are having such a great time. Glittery silver slime falls from the ceiling, splattering hair and faces, the effects of the slime are just as good as the taste.

"One more song?" I shout at the crowd, energy and fearlessness pulsing through me, I can practically feel my whole body vibrating with life. The crowd screams into the air, shouting for encore after encore.

I sing and sing, never wanting to stop, never wanting this immortality to end. But all good things do end.

I go backstage and quick slip on my coat, grabbing my purse and removing my car keys before heading outside. I take the stairs two at a time, letting the cool air refresh my senses. I've gotten so much more comfortable on stage after tonight, the rush, the euphoria, it's who I am.

Lost in thought I run into a bulky body. Though, unlike the time I rammed into Jace I don't go flying to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, I was in deep thou-" I begin, raising my head only to meet eyes with him. This isn't possible. He's dead. I was there. _He's dead, he's dead, he's dead, he's dead. _I think, panic rising up through me, choking my words down. I only manage to get one word out:_  
_

"Dad..?"

_Sebastian:_

I laugh as I shoot the gun, bullets flying through the air and penetrating the hard wall of the warehouse. I keep imagining how her face would look if I shot her, the surprise, the pain, the _fear. _I laugh even harder. I've been practicing lately, perfecting my aim, my adaptability. I can't afford to miss.

I won't miss.

**Will Sebastard shoot her?  
****How is Clary's dad alive?  
Is Simon over Clary?  
How far is Jace willing to go to protect Clary?  
Will Clary learn to block out the ****jokes?  
Where will Clary's talent lead her?  
Ideas?!**

**REVIEW!(:  
xx-Kelse**


	15. Chapter 15

**I'm so sorry it's been so long since I last updated.. I've been at camp after camp after camp. I've missed writing and all of you so much. I'm so sorry for not updating and especially for leaving you all on such a drastic cliffhanger. You have my ****deep, true-felt apologies, I hope I can be forgiven. Anyways, I totally understand if everyone has given up on me and this story so there aren't any reviews on this chapter.. But if possible reviews would be full heartedly appreciated. Love every single part of every single on of you.  
XX- Kelse**

_Clary:_

"Dad?" I whisper hoarsely, voice barely audible over the strong breeze of the cool night. The white haired man towering over me simply snorts, dark humor passing over his demonically beautiful features. "If only.." The man says formally, smirking down at me as if I'm a bug he's ready to step on.

My heart stops. If this man is not my supposed to be dead father, who the hell is he? "Who are you?" I say- my face subconsciously twisting into a rage-filled snarl- hoping the look will distract him from the panic in my voice. I glance around me precariously, standing on the balls of my feet. "Oh you always have been so naïve, dear Clarissa, I had expected more intuition."

I look at him, furrowing my eyebrows, trying to see if I recognized the face. I did. It was the face of my father. Yet, somehow it was more beautiful, the features softer and thinner, the body leaner, and the hands with long, pianist fingers. This is not my father, I realize, panic starting throughout me once more. It is my brother.

"Jon?" I ask hope and confusion lacing my tone. He looks down at me wearily, as if it was amazing I had finally put the puzzle pieces together. "Have you missed me little sister?" he asks, his voice kind. But I can't help but notice something hidden under the kind tone, something dark.

Throwing caution to the wind I slam my petite body into his large one, locking my arms around his waist. Hugging him felt so normal, routine-like. God, had I missed him. I have so many questions. "How are you here? You died." I ask curiously, wondering how he could have left me in that hell all by myself all those years.

And suddenly I'm shoving him off me, stepping back. "HOW COULD YOU? HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME? YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WERE LIKE! AN YOU LEFT ME TO FEND FOR MYSELF. YOU NEVER LOVED ME! I THOUGHT BIG BROTHERS ARE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEIR SISTERS. YOU JUST THREW ME AWAY AND FORGOT ABOUT ME." I scream in his face, the words coming out before I could manage to bite my tongue.

"The funny thing is.." I whisper, feeling the hot tears roll down my cheeks as I spoke my final words, "you're more dead to me now than you ever were before."

Wiping my eyes quickly, I turn around and storm to my car, not bothering to turn around. I can feel my heart literally splitting in half, I can feel the ripping and the tearing. I can feel it all. And all I know, is that I need to see Jace. I have to.

_Simon:_

I sip at my diet dr. pepper lazily, eyes scanning the room once more. I know it's a hopeless matter, the idea of her actually attending the date is out of the question. At least, for Isabelle it is.

Don't ask me how I fell for her, because that part is obvious. She's every guy's dream: tall, lean yet curvy, big eyes, long hair, oval faced, soft lips- well, I actually don't know if her lips are soft but I'm assuming- but unlike any other guy, that's not why I like Isabelle. I like her for the way she laughs when she thinks somethings funny, how her eyes light up when she talks of something she loves, how she nibbles on her bottom lip when she's nervous.

God, I sound like a stalker. But I simply can't help myself, she is so mesmerizing it is entirely impossible not to notice everything about her.

Of course, her and I would never happen. The only reason I was supposed to meet her was because she left her scarf at the coffee shop we me at. She had written her number on a paper napkin and snuck it into my pocket, and surprisingly the number was actually hers.

So, about two days ago I called and informed her that I had her scarf. She said we could make the pick-up a date sort-of thing. I agreed, of course. I hadn't met Isabelle until our trip to London, which surprisingly has been very laid-back and fun. Our school class is gargantuan and considering I only had eyes for Clary up until now, I didn't send her a second glance.

Don't get me wrong, I still love Clary, but now I also love Isabelle. Now I have two painfully throbbing holes in my heart, instead of one. I don't know how my heart is still beating. It seems like every time I reach out, begin to care for someone, I'm simply stepped on. They say what goes around come around, but here I am putting all of my effort in and getting nothing in return. How fucked up is that?

Sighing I pick up the empty plastic cup and toss in in the nearest trash. I grab my hoody and quickly slip it on, gripping my car keys in one hand and Isabelle's scarf in another. I walk out of the diner without glancing back.

_Clary:_

The razor I drag across my skin can only be related to a cold cup of lemonade on a swelteringly hot summer's day. It quenches my thirst for a short period of time, relieving me of the heat. But it's never enough, it's never truly satisfying, I always need more. So, I keep drinking glass after glass after glass of this ice-cold lemonade, believing that it will relieve me of this everlasting and painful thirst. Only to need another cup.

Each cut does the job of the lemonade, satisfying me for a moment. But then the pain returns, and I need to cut again and again. And no matter how many glasses of lemonade I drink, no matter how many times I cut, it will never be enough.

I come to this realization as I cut my right hip for the fifth time. The razor clatters out of my hand and onto the floor, splattering the growing puddle of blood under me onto my light yellow cabinets.

How could he leave me? I thought he loved me! How could he pretend he was dead, cause me all that pain, and show up and act like it's nothing. He acted as if he had just returned from a weekend away, not unceremoniously risen from the dead.

I bring my knees to my chest and hug them tightly with my arms. I squeeze my bloodshot eyes closed as the never-ending stream of tears cascades down my cheeks, mixing with the blood.

With my eyes closed I only see his face, kind and golden, waves of blonde hair teasing the nape of his neck, and his tawny eyes gazing at me with everlasting love. I need him. I love him. He's my water, my thirst quencher. Who needs all that lemonade when you have access to a well?

Scrambling out of my ball, I fly to my feet and grab my cellphone off my bed. Quickly dialing his number, I hold the phone to my hear. I feel something crawling up in my throat, the lump rising. Tears flow more quickly, and I bite back another sob.

"Hello?" The velvet-like voice asks through the phone. _His _voice.

"Jace.." I croak, barely audible, because I feel as if I speak any louder I may crack in half. I hear him take a sharp intake of breath; was my pain that obvious? "Clary, are you okay? Where are you? I'm coming. Don't worry. I'm coming." Urgency rings through his tone, clear as day. "I'm fine." I whisper. "I just needed to hear your voice. I'm at my apartment."

"I'll be over in five."

_Sebastian:_

My feet move quickly and silently up the stairwell. One more floor. One more floor and I'm at her room. One more floor and I get to blast her head off. I smile happily to myself, oh what a fun day it shall be.

I quicken my pace slightly at the sound of footfalls near behind me, nearing closer. I throw open the door labeled 'Floor 12' and take off in the carpeted hallway. I take a sharp left, and her room is in sight. Room 1216.

I slow down into a fast walk, making sure surprise is my ally. I reach her door and excitement pours through my veins, I'm practically pulsing with adrenaline. Smirking to myself, I place my hand on her door knob, knowing it will be unlocked.

Clary takes after her mother: extremely forgetful and irresponsible.

It all happened so quickly. Before I could manage to twist the knob I'm being dragged away, powerful arms locked on my neck. I attempt to take a breath, but to no avail. The hands are crushing my lungs, I feel as if my throat has been set on fire.

Panic soon replaces the shock as I kick and twist, trying to free myself from the strangers steel grip. "Ah-ah-ah." The unfamiliar voice tuts in my ear, reprimanding me. There is something off about the voice, something cold and amused. "I would recommend not to struggle, that is unless you want to die more painfully." The voice whispers gleefully, harsh laughter booming soon after.

My body freezes with fear. Die. He is going to kill me. I'm already on the doorstep of death's residence though, his hand tightening evermore with every step he takes. White spots invade my vision as I begin to struggle once more. "No. You must die. You were going to touch what belongs to me, harm it even. Didn't daddy ever teach you not to take what doesn't belong to you?" He laughs again, a little more darkly this time.

And his laugh is the last sound I hear.

**So sebastard is officially dead.  
Will Jon be good or bad news?  
Who killed Sebastian?  
Will Clary tell Jace about the cutting?  
How is Jon not dead?  
Read to find out, darlings. Love all of you.  
PLEASE REVIEWW.  
xx-Kelse**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hi Darlings, so my new story got like no reviews so I'm back to this one! Please comment ideas, thoughts, and inquiries. I love you all and you are all enough I promise you. This chapter has a slightly inappropriate scene so if you are not okay with that don't read. Enjoy!  
xx-Kelse**

(Clary)

"He's not worth your tears," Jace whispers into my ear, as his hands rub my back soothingly. I take in a deep, shaky breath and squint my eyes shut in an attempt to not let another traitorous drop of moisture fall from them. "He left m-me. He killed my mom. He killed my dad. He ruined me." I whisper, staring off into nothingness and wishing to run away from everything that my life is, everything that I am.

"We should run away together," I say, wistfulness intruding my tone, "we could travel the world, be in love, have the perfect life.." I flick my eyes over to his to take in his reaction. He looked pitiful, as if he was breaking almost as much as I am. I am hurting him, me, the one who should be sheltering him from the hurt of the world. I should never have called.

"I'm sorry that was stupid," I laugh bitterly, "I can't run from myself." His hand runs across my cheek bone, his fingertips settling on my chin. His face leans closer to mine and his lips brush against my jaw softly. My eyes flutter closed and I sigh. His mouth reaches mine and moves against it with an addictive rhythm.

We begin to kiss more passionately and we are all lips and teeth and tongue. I moan quietly as his hand traces the small of my back. He picks me up from the ground and carries me clumsily from the bathroom to my bed, laying me down on it carefully. He lays down on top of me, trapping me in the cage that is him.

His soft lips move from my mouth to my throat and back again. I kiss him as if I would never get to kiss him again. He begins to unbutton my shirt, hands fumbling and quaking with unsaid words. He tugs the shirt off me gently and throws it to the side. I feel no self consciousness somehow, because all I feel is him. I fist my hands in his cotton tshirt and pull it over his head.

My hands trace the curves and ridges of his body as his hands do the same to mine. His touch was like a lick of fire, burning me into nothingness. And his kiss, oh his kiss, it was the sweetest of alcohols and I was dying to be intoxicated.

And then he pulled away. He jumped from the bed, nearly knocking over the bedside table in the process. His eyes were burning with anger, and wide with fear. His lips were parted as if he was about to speak, but no words ever formed on his tongue.

I immediately cover myself cheeks flushing a dark crimson. Was I that revolting? I felt like leaping from the bed and running from the room. His eyes eventually melted from anger to pain and from fear to pure astonishment. "Clary." He said hoarsely, something unrecognizable in his voice. "Please tell me you didn't do that to yourself.." He whispers, his eyes shattering.

Confusion overcomes me until I remember. I remember the quick mopping and the wet washcloth on the counter. I remember the change of clothes and the washing of the bloody and defiled ones. I had hidden the cuts from him, the blood, the self harm. All I told him was that I had been crying over my brother, not that I had acted on my pain.

Embarrassment and horror rush into me, and I feel like vomiting. He knows, he saw the cuts on my hips when he took off my shirt. I want to scream. How could I have been so stupid and careless?

"Jace.. I-I, let me explain it's not what it looks like i-it's just," I begin, my voice stammering as I search for words. "It's just what Clary? Why didn't you tell me? When did you do this to yourself?" His voice was not angry, but broken. And somehow, that was worse.

(Isabelle)

I sit in the quiet diner, flipping through the latest fashion magazine and sipping on hot tea. Simon was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, but I am deadset on waiting for him. I smile softly at the memory of him with his too-big glasses wedged on his nose, his floppy brown hair, and his kind brown eyes glinting with untold intelligence. I would wait a millennium for him if it's what it took.

So, I stayed in the diner, and I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Eventually my third cup of tea had gone cold and I was out of magazines to skim through carelessly. I've been waiting for an hour and a half.

At this point it's dreadfully obvious he doesn't plan on showing up. I pretend it doesn't hurt. I gather my things and walk out of the partially abandoned diner, heels clicking on the floor, holding back disappointment. I don't look back.

(Jonathan)

She is mine. She always has been. She always will be. I will soon be hers, and together we will burn down the world. And if anyone gets in my way, they will pay the price. I don't like to share what belongs to me.

**Hi darlings, so my new story got no reviews so I returned to this one. If I don't get any reviews on this I might stop updating I'm not sure. Anyways I hope you enjoyed! I love you all! **

**xx-Kelse**

**Will Jace accept Clary?  
What is going on w Sizzy?  
And who is Jonathans next target?  
Stay tuned to find out!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello darlings! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm hoping to update again soon! Please Review! I love you all immensely**

**-xx Kelse**

(Jace)

A loud whistle cuts through the still, silent air as a train passes by miles away. I close my eyes as I listen to the noisy bumps as the train speeds down the track. How sad it would be to be a train, constantly going places, but never staying. Just constant travel, no peace. Sometimes I feel as if my mind is a train, never settling on one thought.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Clary whispers quiety, her voice scratchy from the crying. She looks up at me, her eyes are rimmed with red but she still looks beautiful.

"I was thinking about trains." I state, my mouth quirking up at the stupidity of my thoughts. Clary giggles softly, "trains, really?" "Yes." I say, grabbing her and hugging her closer to my body. "What are you thinking about?" I inquire, turning my gaze to her. "Everything." Clary says simply, but there is nothing simple about it.

"Jace I'm so sorry.." She whispers, tears forming in her eyes once again. My heart aches painfully in my chest. "Clary, listen. You are singlehandedly the strongest person I've ever met. I'm not angry at you, don't cry. I could never be angry with you. Will you tell me what's gotten you so upset?"

When I find out who made her feel so pitiful and alone she felt the need to cut, I will rip them to shreds. "Jace it's complicated." She says quietly, shaking her head and looking at the floor.

"I like complicated." I say calmly, lifting her chin and planting my lips on hers in a firm, short kiss. "Obviously." she snorts comically, gesturing to herself.

"Let's make a deal." I state, "I ask you a question that you have to answer truthfully, and in return you get to ask me one. We each get to ask three." She takes in the idea and considers it, lightly chewing on her bottom lip in consideration. By the angel, I want to kiss her.

"You have a deal, Jace Herondale." She says, holding out her hand. I shake it once but keep it in my grasp, rubbing light circles on her knuckles. She closes her eyes and sighs lightly. "God, I love you." I mumble, using my other hand to stroke her cheek.

"So," I say while pulling my hand away from her cheek, "what's got you so upset?" Her eyes open, but she doesn't look directly at my face, and her eyes move to the floor. "My brother." She says, and there is a coldness in her voice that I have never heard before.

"I didn't think you had a brother?" I say, confusion brimming in me. "I didn't think I did either, at least not anymore." She says, and I see a tear drop splatter unceremoniously on the hard wood. Now I'm very confused. "It's a long story." she says.

"I have time." I reply encouragingly.

"Ever since I was 7, my parents have fought. My mom had cheated on my father with a man named Luke. I had an older brother at the time, his name was Jonathan. He was 12 when they started fighting. Jon had always struggled with depression and anxiety. The fighting drove him over the edge, and he jumped a cliff. He left me all alone with the fighting, it was maddening."

"After he died, I became depressed and confused. I had no one, he had been my only friend that understood what I was going through. Last year though, something changed. Simple yelling became screaming and breaking things. My dad had gone insane. Every night, I would hear my mom sobbing from the laundry room. One night, as I was sitting in my room my parents were yelling even more angrily than normal. At one point I heard my mother scream, and heard a deafening 'pop'."

"I heard the thud of my dad's work boots coming up the stairs to my room. I bolted off my bed and hid in the closet behind some dresses and sit the sliding closet doors. I heard my door open, I remember my heart was beating so fast. I looked down and saw his shoes, feet away from where I was hiding. I heard him sit on my bed. And then I heard another pop. I was traumatized. I wouldn't leave the closet because I feared my father was still waiting for me outside the sliding doors."

She looks up at me tears falling from her eyes and gathering on her cheeks. I try to wipe the horrified expression from my face, but can't. What she has gone through is so terrible. "Oh, Clary. You are so strong. What happened is terrible Clary, but it's not your fault." I say soothingly, rubbing her back.

"I know it isn't. Im not done with the story." She says quietly.

"Last night, after my concert I walked out of the backdoor to get to my car. On my way I ran into someone, Jace. At first I thought it was my father, but he was to slender and confident. It was Jonathan." She whispers, her face pale as if she's seen a ghost. Maybe she has.

"I thought he was dead Jace, gone. I thought he left me in a split-second decision, to a place he couldn't take me. I accepted it. But he lived Jace, he faked his death and left me behind. He was all I had and he left without thinking twice."

"He's not the same though, there is something ominous about him now. Malicious even, the way he smiled at me." she shivers.

"I'm sorry he left you Clary. I'm sorry you went through all that shit. I will never leave you though." I say encouragingly, and I mean every word.

"Promise?" She says unsure.

"Promise."

(Simon)

My feet pad quietly along the sidewalk, as I think of where Clary could possibly be. I haven't seen her all day and I miss her like nothing else. A passing biker whizzes by, nearly knocking me on my side. I catch myself on the nearest light pole and glance up.

I immediately regret the decision as my eyes begin to tear up from the intense sunlight. Oh, what a fantastic day. Grumbling softly to myself I continue walking down the sidewalk aimlessly.

"Simon?" I hear a feminine voice say from behind me. Wait, I recognize that voice. "Isabelle?" I say excitedly, whipping around. "I wasn't expecting to see you here." She says, smiling lightly at me. "Yeah, well I was just wandering." I say truthfully, too absorbed in her to come up with a witty remark.

"Wanna go grab coffee?" She asks hopefully, cheeks turning light pink. Wait.. Is she blushing? Holy shit. My nerves are on end. "Yeah, I'd like that. Glad you will actually show up this time." I murmur the last part under my breath.

"Me not show up? Your the one who ditched!" She says haughtily. "No I'm not!" I say, furrowing my eyebrows. "I waited for you in Avenue Coffee for three hours Isabelle, don't start on me." I state firmly.

She suddenly erupts in laughter, huddling over and putting her hands on her knees for support. "Well no wonder we didn't see each other," she says between giggles, "we went to different coffee shops."

As the realization hits me I begin to laugh also. God, I'm such an idiot. "Would you care for a make-up date?" I ask, grinning at her comically. "Most definitely." She replies, entwining her fingers in mine and leading the way. "By the way, why are you crying?" She asks, looking at me quizzically. I turn deep red, "Not crying, it was the sun," I say hurriedly, using my shirt sleeves to rub on my eyes.

**Please review your thoughts!  
Will Simon and Izzy last?  
What will Jace do about Jon?  
Will Jace reveal his past to Clary?  
Check for updates to find out(:**

**-xx Kelse**


	18. Chapter 18

**Hello lovelies! I'm so sorry I have been so lazy with updating, I know I've been really shitty and I apologize. Anyways, here is the next chapter! Please review/fav/follow(: I have the best idea for a story when I'm done with this one, so excited. No worries, I still have big plans for this one though.  
xx- Kelse**

**Disclaimer: I don't own TMI or the characters, I'm just fucking around with them**

_(Clary)_

"You're dating _who?" _I gawk, desperately trying to hold back my laughter. Simon's eyes are slightly glassed over as he stares down at his shoes. "…Isabelle Lightwood." He mutters, and it sounds like he is terrified by the idea. Simon Lewis the geek and Isabelle Lightwood the heartbreaker, who would've guessed? I've only met Isabelle once before, at Jace's house the night of my party, and she seemed very nice. There is uncanny resemblance in Isabelle and her brother Alec, who I had only gotten a brief glimpse of. Jace told me he is in his first year of college and has recently come out and told his family he is gay.

Though I know Jace isn't related to Isabelle or Alec, they are all so beautiful it makes them seem as if they really are siblings. I snort at the idea of Jace, Isabelle, Simon, and I double dating. Then it hits me, does Simon know Isabelle is Jace's sister? If so, he hasn't mentioned it, which would be strange considering Simon hates Jace with a fiery passion. I smirk to myself, imagining the horrified expression he will have when I break the news.

"So, maybe Jace, Isabelle, you, and I could hang out, you know since they're siblings and all." I say, holding back a grin as I slip the explosive information into my sentence. "I'm not sure, I really don't like Ja- wait what do you mean siblings?" He groans, unable to contain his discomfort of dating Jace's sister. "I mean siblings, as in if you go to Isabelle's house Jace will most likely be there." I laugh with a wink.

Simon's expression is horrified, "This means endless taunting.." He says, throwing his head back in melodramatic exasperation. I laugh as I begin to stand up and stretch. "I'm meeting Jace in half an hour, wanna tag along and break the news, lover boy?"

(_******_)

Simon, of course, refused my offer to tag along. I hadn't expected him to come, though spending time with him and Jace would be nice. I really wish they wouldn't bicker so much so I could be with my two favorite people at the same time. I haven't seen or heard from Jonathan since the night I bumped into him at the concert. His absence is both relieving and terrifying, I know he will eventually reappear and waiting for it to happen is nerve-racking.

My hurt and anger towards my brother haven't faded over the time of his absence, I am still just as deeply hurt about his leaving me as I was the first night. At times I will find myself sobbing over him, but I would never tell Jace. I sip at my Dr. Pepper, feeling the carbonated bubbles sizzle on my tongue. Jace is seated next to me, his arm draped over my shoulder comfortably.

I love the fact that we can sit so comfortably in silence, and that just being with him, close to him, brings me so much joy. The bad talk about us dating had eventually stopped, I'm assuming people got dreadfully bored with the topic considering it was so overused. "I have big news." I gush, both excited and apprehensive about how Jace will respond to my revelation into Simon's love life. Jace turns towards me, a smile splaying on his lips. As his head turns the scent of him catches the air, and the smell of fresh winter air and brisk mint calms me. "Are you going to tell me, or were you just planning on sparking my interest an keeping it a secret?" He says sarcastically, but his voice is kind. "Oh shut up, I'm getting to it." I say, smacking his shoulder for good measure.

His expression fakes hurt and he cups his shoulder, "Ouch Clary, that actually hurt. Kiss it and make it better." He says in a whiny tone, sticking out his bottom lip. I kiss my palm and smack him on the shoulder again. "There." I say, grinning up at him innocently. He shakes his head laughing quietly. "Anyways, big news." I begin, preparing myself for Jace's protective brotherly side.

"Simon and Isabelle are dating." I say firmly, trying to hold back a fit of laughter. Jace, though can't seem to hold it back as he bursts out laughing. "Good one Clary, what's the real news?" He asks, still chuckling to himself as if it was the funniest thing he had ever heard, which it might have been. "I'm dead serious Jace, I reacted the same way." I say shrugging at him.

"Well, I usually would be worried, but in this case I think Izzy can handle herself." He says, smirking wildly. I wasn't expecting that response. Shrugging again, I turn back toward my Dr. pepper. I feel Jace's arm sneak around my waist, turning me towards him. "You still haven't given me that kiss.." He purrs in my ear, breath tickling the back of my neck. I feel myself shiver slightly. "Uh, y-yes I did. Shoulder." I whisper, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

His face edges closer and closer to mine and I feel our noses touch. My eyes flutter closed, and my heart is pounding wildly in my chest. His lips brush against mine lightly, sending pleasant sparks up my spine. And then he pulls away. I open my eyes to see him smirking at me, "that," He says grinning even wider, "was revenge for your angry shoulder-slap-kiss." I scowl at him and cross my arms, taking an angry sip of my soda.

"Well maybe I would have actua-" I begin, but suddenly his lips are crashing to mine. I feel his teeth nibble on my bottom lip savagely and I just barely hold back a groan. His lips move expertly against mine, and his hands travel up and down my sides slowly. Though I don't want to, this time I pull away. "Jace, PDA!" I whisper yell, trying to hide my flushed face from our audience.

"PDA's hot." Jace states loosely, as if it's a well-known fact. I smile at him, and grab his hand in mine, pecking him on the cheek. I suddenly realize how fantastic my life is in the moment. I have Jace, I'm in London, I haven't seen Sebastian since the trip began, Simon is in love, and though I'm struggling with Jonathan, I can survive it. With Jace by my side, I'm not so sure that I couldn't survive anything.

_(Jonathan)_

I set the note on top of the body. His body. Sebastian has been dead for a few days now, his skin is paler and he is beginning to smell like a corpse. I smile widely at the satisfying memory of killing him. No one can touch what belongs to me. She will be mine soon enough, I hope she is enjoying her last few days of freedom.

_Erchomai, _the note read,  
_I am coming._

**Cute Jace and Clary date(:  
Will Izzy break poor Simon's heart?  
Will Jonathan get Clary, or will Jace protect her?  
Keep checking for updates to find out!**

**REVIEW! love all of you.**

**xx-Kesle**


	19. Chapter 19

**Hi guys, here is the update! Please review/follow/fav and give me advice or ideas if you feel the urge. I love you all so much, please know that you are not alone. Anyways, please enjoy(:**

**xx- Kelse**

**Disclaimer: I ****don't own TMI, I just fuck up their lives even more.**

**Btw, my real name is not Kelse! (it honestly doesn't even start with a K), some people have been asking so there's that. **

**REVIEW LOVELIES**

_(Clary)_

I always imagined I would have felt an extreme sense of relief if he died. I thought all of the weight shoving me down would lift off of my shoulders, and everything would be okay. I now realized I could not have been any more incorrect. His body lays limply in front of me, and the ghastly scent of rotting flesh wafts through the room. I feel as if I can't breathe, and the painful burning in my lungs is the only thing that keeps me in the present. Maybe that's why I won't take another breath.

His once beautifully pale skin is now a yellowish-green shade, and it is speckled with purpling bruises. I hold back a gag at the sight of his eyes. The eyes that used to be filled with so much venom and mischief are now filled with pure terror, and are a slight hue of red due to popped blood vessels. There is a large deep purple, almost black bruise around his neck in the shape of large hands, telling me how he was killed: strangulation.

My mind feels separate from my body as I feel myself tumble down to my knees. I desperately try to choke in a breath, and hear a horrible hacking noise emit from my throat. My eyes feel as if they are permanently glued in a stare of wide horror, I subconsciously wonder if I have blinked. The smell of his rotting flesh suffocates me, how long has he been dead?

I close my eyes and try to compose myself. _Stand up._ I silently command myself. I rise to my feet slowly, grappling onto the door handle for support. Once I have gained my footing, I wrench open the door unceremoniously and stumble out of the room. I then feel my feet beginning to move on their own accord, and I am running. I am running as quickly as I can, and all I can think of is the note on Sebastian's body.

_Erchomai_

_I am coming_

* * *

_(Jace)_

"Alec sweetie, don't be mad." Magnus says poking Alec in the ribs teasingly, the grin on his face somewhat resembling the Chesire Cat. "_Don't be mad?_" Alec scoffs, shooting a burning look at Magnus, "You _bedazzled_ all of my clothes!" I hold back a fit of laughter at the revelation. "Your clothes were so dull, I only wanted them to be equal to your beauty." Magnus states with a wink, planting a firm kiss on Alecs lips.

"Oh, don't think I don't know what you're doing! You are just trying to flatter your way out, and that's not going to work this time." Alec says threateningly, slapping away Magnus's hands in a hissy fit. I roll my eyes to myself, "As much as I enjoy watching you two flirt unabashedly, I'm heading out to find Clary." I say from across the room, reaching for my shoes.

"Speak of flirting, how is the little fireball Jace? Is she as feisty in bed-" Magnus purrs with a smirk at the idea of him making me uncomfortable. I shoot him a red-hot glare and cut him off. "I wouldn't know, now if you excuse me I'm leaving." I say, my voice curt. "You, the sex-maniac, haven't slept with her yet. I have to admit I am both surprised and impressed, Herondale." Magnus shrugs with an appreciative nod.

"Enough on my sex life. It's obvious you have other matters to tend to." I state with a snort, gesturing to a still very pissed Alec, tapping his foot on the floor impatiently.

With that I exit my brother's hotel room, and head to the elevator.

* * *

_(Simon)_

_"The _Isabelle Lightwood, a horrible dancer? I don't believe it for a second." I state sarcastically, shaking my head at her. "Everyone is bad at something Lewis, don't worry, I will find your hamartia soon enough." She says with a glower. I can't help the chuckle that escapes from my lips. "Are you saying that not being able to dance is your fatal flaw?" I ask laughing still. "It must be, considering I am seemingly flawless otherwise." She murmurs with a smirk, stepping closer to me gracefully.

"I don't disagree." I breathe out, feeling my heart beating erratically in my chest at her proximity. The background music of Just Dance 4 plays in the background, but I barely notice it. She takes another step towards me, and I feel her breath on my face, it smells like cinnamon. "What is your flaw, Simon?" She whispers in my ear, her breath hits the back of my neck eliciting a shiver from me.

"Flaws." I correct her quietly, and then I lift my head up to hers and connect our lips. Her lips are soft and pliable against mine, as she kisses me back tenderly. I cup her face in my hand, and I feel my eyes flutter shut. Kissing Isabelle is like kissing a wave, calming yet rough. The kiss becomes slightly more heated, and I can't help but groan as she nibbles at my bottom lip.

I pull my face away slightly, and I hear her grunt in frustration from the loss of contact. "How about we make a deal, I'll search for your flaws, and you can search for mine." She says with a lopsided grin, slowly backing up to the couch, and pulling me down on top of her. She pulls my face against hers and kisses me passionately. "Okay." I murmur against her lips.

If I could, I would never stop kissing her.

* * *

_(Clary)_

_"_Oh my god, oh my god." I whisper quietly, as I try to curl farther into the ball that I'm already in. I slam my fist against my head painfully to try to erase the image of Sebastian's body, but it wouldn't leave. I keep envisioning his lifeless eyes, remembering the scent..I shudder haphazardly. Then it hits me, I've got to call the police. I slowly rise to my feet, and I stay standing without moving for a few moments to make sure I don't fall.

Taking a deep breath I step forward. I walk over to the bedside table in Jace's room, and grip the hotel telephone in my hands. The whiteness of my knuckles reminds me of his eyes. I gather my senses and pick the phone up, dialing in the numbers 9-1-1. I hold the telephone up to my ear with a shaking hand. My fingers were quivering so violently I almost dropped the phone.

I hear the police officer at the other end of the line pick up, "Hello, what's your emergency?" The voice asks kindly. "I-I walked in my hotel room, and the-there's a body in it." I begin, gasping for breath as memories come crashing back as I speak of it. "Please help, I'm so scared." I whisper the last part so quietly I barely hear it myself. "What hotel are you staying in? I will also need to know the floor and room number."

I give her the information quickly, and then slam the phone back on the desk. I feel tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Not out of sadness over Sebastian's death, he got what was coming to him. But I cried out of pure terror. He killed my parents. He killed Sebastian. And now, if what his note said is true, he's going to kill me.

All I know is I have to protect Jace, because if Jace gets in the way I know for a fact my brother won't hesitate in killing him too. I wonder subconsciously what turned my brother into the monster he is now. I wonder if it was the fighting, or if this demented creature had always been lurking behind Jonathan's skin.

I remember when we were younger, and how we were closer than I'd ever been close to anyone, with the exception of Simon and Jace. He always protected me from the horrors of the world, shielded me from inevitable pain, and it is so strange that he is now the one delivering the terror. I remember his face the night I ran into him, his slightly crazed composure, as if he was holding a thunderstorm in his chest. I remember the sadistic look in his eyes he simply couldn't cover.

Maybe he wants to kill me because I remained the same through all of the obstacles my life has delivered, and they changed him. Maybe he is weak. Or maybe he is psychotic. I can only hope the latter isn't true. I close my eyes and crumple up the note in my hand, shoving in into my jean pocket. What do I do?

**Wow… That was intense.  
Will Clary tell the police about the note?  
What measures will Clary go to to protect Jace?  
Cute Sizzy action  
What is Jon planning? (what a bastard)  
REVIEW! and tell me what you think**

**xx-Kelse**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hello darlings, how have you been? I'm sorry I haven't updated, I know I'm so shitty but I'm in the middle of midterms(ugh). Anyways, here is the next chapter.. **** I am honestly running on like 4 hours of sleep and should be studying but I've been dying to write, so sorry if this sucks ass. Review what you think(;**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the mortal instruments, I just fuck their shit up ;D**

* * *

**Ahenpop: To answer your question on how often I update, it honestly depends. It can be from everyday to once a week, sorry it's so scattered I'm just very busy.**

**Guest: I will definitely consider Clary being suspected, it seems like an interesting path to go down. I really appreciate your input(:**

**Crazycountrygirl12: Haha, I have not yet decided what will coincide between Jace and Clary, so I guess it will just be a surprise for us all. **

**5sosteamcalum: Wow! Thanks for enjoying it so much, I should probably tell you to write that essay, but I'm too flattered that you read my fanfiction all day to do so(;**

* * *

_(Clary)_

The burn of alcohol trailing its way down my throat is bizarrely soothing. My throat feels as if it has been caught on fire, and my stomach is overflowing with butterflies. I feel myself continue to get more and more lightheaded as I drink. But I don't care. I just need to forget.

Sighing, I pick up the bottle once more, taking another swig. I hadn't felt this good in weeks, this _alive._ It has been 2 weeks since I stumbled in on Sebastian's lifeless corpse, 2 weeks since I completely fell apart. Since then I have relied on alcohol and the sweet escape of books to keep me going.

I haven't spoken to Jace in 4 days. I know I should feel happy about this terrible accomplishment, I should feel happy because I'm one step closer to keeping him safe. But it hurts so bad, it's like my heart has been torn out of my chest, deflated, and put back in. I feel so damn empty, even when I'm completely intoxicated.

I've never been a drinker. Simon and I have gone to a few parties and I had a beer or two, but that's all. But ever since I read that note, I've been downing near 2 bottles of vodka a day. Or whatever other alcohol I can get my hands on. The first few days after his murder, I was constantly at the police station, giving my statement over and over again. But after they were done with me I gave into the darker sides of myself.

Simon has been staying in my room, hiding alcohol and comforting me. And I appreciate it, I really do, but it's not enough. I set the bottle down and stand up, walking over to my book shelf. I grab Mockingjay and sit down on my bed, curling up under a blanket. Something about being tipsy, as I am now, makes the places books whisk you away to all the more realistic.

I've just opened the book to page 180, when I hear a knock on the door. Simon probably forgot his key. Standing up I stretch my back, and flounce through the medium-sized hotel room towards the door. Simon knocks again, louder this time. "I'm coming, don't be so damn impatient." I mutter under my breath, as I twist the lock and open the door.

My mouth forms the shape of an O as I realize that the person that was knocking is most definitely not Simon Lewis. In fact, I have no clue who it is. I quickly try to slam the door in his face. The man was quite strange looking, clad in black skinny jeans and a bright purple button down. His hair was dyed a royal blue color and filled with silver glitter. He looked like a rainbow threw up on him.

He stops the door with his shoe, only wincing slightly when the door makes contact with his foot. "Who are you?" I ask venomously, trying to size the bizarre man up. I was internally praying he did not work for Jonathan. "Magnus Bane, gorgeously handsome friend of Jace's." He states with a grin, giving me a quick wink. I freeze up at the mention of Jace, his name makes my heart hurt. God, I miss him.

I miss his lips on mine, the feel of his hair. I miss our conversations, and the safety I feel when holding his hand. Magnus snaps in my face, and I'm pretty sure I see blue nail polish on his long fingers. "Anyone in there?" He asks laughing slightly, but his tone is kind. "Sorry-" I sputter, closing my eyes and running a hand through my hair.

"Don't sweat it darling. Is there any way I could come in?"

* * *

Magnus had come to ask me why I had been avoiding Jace. Apparently Magnus is dating Jace's brother, Alec, and Alec was getting upset because Jace was upset. Something like that. My heart wrenches at the thought that I'm causing Jace pain, but I have to protect him. Magnus was really cool, he's unlike anyone I've talked to. I enjoyed his company, even with his intense sarcasm.

Magnus had heard about Sebastian, the whole school had considering that an announcement was made stating we had to be in London another week for investigative purposes. We leave tomorrow though, and for that I am thankful. Magnus kept trying to pressure answers about Sebastian out of me, what he as to me and such. I didn't tell him anything, how could I? He would only tell Jace.

Holding all this information, about Sebastian's abuse, the note, it was so hard. I have to tell someone, or I'm going to explode. But I can't, I don't want anyone to get hurt for knowing something. No one is going to die for me.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket, and fish it out. It's from Simon. I smile despite myself.

S: _Meet at The White Fence at seven?_

_C: The White Fence?! Are you insane that place is expensive!_

_S: Yeah, yeah. Wear something nice Fray.(:_

_C: Dress nice..?_

_S: Of course, Fray. It is a fancy __restaurant after all. _

_C: Ugh. What's the occasion anyway?_

_S: You'll see Fray. P.S: don't 'ugh' me young lady_

_C: … ugh._

* * *

So far I've been to 3 dress shops around London, but all of the dresses are either cheap and slutty, or nice and $1000. Sighing melodramatically I drag into the fourth store, which I decided would be my last store if I find a dress of not.

The store was small and boutique-like with a pretty large selection. The dresses were color coded on the racks, and I immediately head over to the dark green section knowing it's my best color. I hum quietly as I go through the dresses. Ah, the joys of shopping. I grab out a simple pine colored dress adorned with charcoal gems at the top, and quickly decide to try it on.

I scan the boutique for a worker, and eventually spot one at the cash register. There are only a few other people tooling around the store so I decide it would be fine to ask him for a dressing room. As I approach him, I realize with a start that he is in fact very attractive. He had flawless pale skin and messy black hair. And his eyes were a beautiful dark blue that screamed of mystery.

"Hi, is there anything I can assist you with?" The angel boy asks, abruptly pulling me from my dazed state. I blink a few times before flushing a red so dark I'm sure the color rivaled my hair. "Uh, yes. Could I get a dressing room?" I ask quickly, hoping he hasn't noticed my utter embarrassment.

As I look closer at his face, I realize something bizarre: he reminds me of Jace in an indescribable way. I can't decide whether it's the set in his mouth, or the secrets hidden in his eyes, but there is _something. _I lay it off as nothing while he walks out from behind the desk.

"Follow me." The boy says with a smirk, and he gestures for me to follow him to the back. "So what's your name?" He questions, looking at me with a small grin. "Clary." I state, holding out my hand for him to shake it. His hand is cold, but soft. "I'm Will. Anyways, what's the occasion?" He asks quizzically, nodding towards the dress. I sigh melodramatically. "If I knew, I would tell you." I chuckle as I walk into the dressing room.

I quickly strip off my jeans and tshirt and pull on the beautiful dress. I sigh inwardly while reminding myself that just because it looks good on the rack doesn't ensure it will look good on me. I take a short breath and turn towards the mirror. I suck in a breath, I look… good.

The dress is corset like with thin straps at the top, but flares out at the waist ending above my knees. It is also quite comfortable, and I come to the realization that the dress is satin. _Damn. _Satin means pricey. Though I hate to admit it, I kind of like wearing the dress. It makes me look mysterious and beautiful like some kind of warrior princess. Okay, maybe I don't look like a warrior princess, but I still look good.

I expect the worst as I check the tag, and am so surprised I just about gasp. Gasping out of joy while shopping is not something I normally do, so this was a first. The dress was only $150. I can do $150. I'm still smiling as I put my clothes back on and hang it on the rack.

* * *

As I stand in front of the mirror taking myself in, I can't help but wish that I was meeting Jace instead of Simon. I feel so silly for being so dressy for Simon, but I can't help but feel pleased with myself. I'm wearing the pine dress with charcoal grey heels and a black velvet choker. My makeup is done with smokey eyes and light pink lipgloss. My hair is straight and a few strands are intricately braided.

I notice how much I look like my mother Jocelyn. It's at times like this when I miss her most. God, how many people can I miss at once? Apparently, a lot. I close my eyes and imagine Jace standing next to me, holding my hand. I imagine being with him, because if I could be anywhere in the universe, I would always choose his side.

I feel my eyes tear up but blink them away. Our separation is for the best, I want him to be happy and safe, and with me that will never happen. I pick up my clutch and head out the door.

* * *

Simon was right, I did need to wear a dress. Everyone here was practically in ball gowns, and sadly my dress was nothing compared to them. There goes my self esteem. I walk up to the waitress. "Hi, reservations at 7:30 for Lewis?" I say apprehensively as the waitress eyes me up and down like I'm some kind of joke. Whatever. Why would I care what she thinks.

"Ah, yes. Here it is. Would you like a kid's menu?" She says with a sharp smile, feigning innocence. I feel my face heat up, and am overcome with the sudden urge to punch her. I'm about to do so when I realize everyone is staring. I lower my fist to my side slowly. "No." I say shortly. "Whatever you say." She bites, and leads me off to the table. _Bitch._

I sit at the table for around five minutes and Simon still hasn't shown up. Being late is extremely unlike him, especially when the plans were of his doing.

I dial his number and hold the phone to my ear. _Hi it's Simon, sorry I can't get to the phone. I'm probably gaming. Bye. _Voicemail. I groan under my breath, and I'm just about to hit redial when I see someone sit across from me out of the corner of my eye. I smile widely and I'm about to chastise him for his lateness when he speaks before me.

"Wow. You look amazing." The voice says, only it doesn't belong to Simon.

"Jace?"

* * *

**Mwahahah cliff hanger. Anyways next chapter will be hella cute (winks). I'll include some other ships too. Sorry updating took so damn long, but ask you can see this chapter is twice the usual length. Please leave commentary on what you think of the chapter, what you think will ****happen, and what you want to happen. Read and Review. Love you darlings, you guys are my babes. Bye bye.**

**XX- Kelse**


	21. Chapter 21

p style="text-align: center;"strongGuys I've gotten so much hate on this fan fiction. Ive gotten three hateful reviews in the past two days. I'm so sorry, but I'm not finishing this story. I'm not inspired by it, and I've been wanting to start something new. I really don't mind constructive criticism, but what I've been receiving is uncalled for and malicious. Im really sorry, if you want to know how it ends PM me and ill give you a brief overview.. ): thanks for reading it. I'm hoping to start the next story before this week ends, so please check it out! Love you all so much and appreciate your support. Bye lovelies/strong/p  
p style="text-align: center;"strongxx- Kelse/strong/p 


	22. Chapter 22

**Hi guys, I'm so sorry its literally been eternity since I've updated this story. But, never-the-less, here it is. I will now be updating super often bc I have free time! I'm so happy. So sorry to keep you guys waiting. This chapter has serious FEELS. Please review/fav! You all rock! **

**xx- Kelse**

_(Clary)_

"Jace?" I whisper, my voice breaking in the process. He is sitting across from me in a white button-down shirt sheer enough to where I could see the glowing tan of his skin under it. My eyes avoid his at all costs, scanning the table and floor as if they are works of art.

"Clary, look at me. Please." His voice is tired. Not the kind of tired you get after running a marathon, but the kind of bone-tired that feels like there is nothing left but air inside of you. I feel my eyes begin to water and tears stream down my cheeks. I quickly mop them up, hoping he didn't see. I stand up abruptly. I feel sick. My chair screeches loudly and the table shakes.

Everyone in the restaurant turns towards us, their faces a mixture of confusion and vague annoyance. "I-I have to go. I'm sorry." My voice is thick from the sobs I know are about to come. I shove my chair aside, trying to make a quick escape. I can't let him know I care. I can't let him die. I turn to run out of the room but a hand grabs mine sharply and spins me around.

I keep my eyes on the ground, my head tilted away from him so he can't see my tears. "Let go of me Jace Herondale. Let go of me right now." I whisper more harshly than I mean to, my voice coming out in a vicious snarl. I tug my hand back towards my body, but his grip is unbreakable. "Clary, Clary look at me. Please just- just look at me, please." His voice cracks. He sounds so utterly defeated.

I lift my eyes to his. I still feel a tear on my cheek but no more are falling from my eyes. The first thing I notice about him are the circles around his eyes. They are dark and ominous and stand out like charcoal against pale parchment. His face is thinner, like he hasn't eaten. And his eyes are hollow and shattered. He looks vulnerable, something he has never appeared to be before.

"I need to talk to you." He says quietly, running his thumb across my cheekbone where a tear rests. His hand feels soft and familiar and makes me ache with loneliness. I close my eyes and gather my thoughts. I take a deep breath and hold everything in. "I have nothing to say." I respond coldly. I yank my hand from his and run out of the restaurant. I don't look back. And I feel empty. I feel dead.

_(Isabelle)_

The air around me is cold and thin. I feel my skin raise in goosebumps under the silkiness of my winter jacket. My feet ache slightly from walking. Maybe wearing designer heels wasn't the best idea. The uneven path is unforgiving beneath my feet. The location isn't ideal, but it's what he would've wanted. And I would have jumped into active volcanoes if it's what he had wanted.

My hand rests on my jacket pocket, gripping the small, hard figure tightly as if it might somehow fall out. I walk faster, hoping the pain in my ankles will dull the pain in my chest. The trees are tall and mysterious above me. Their bare limbs hanging like long, thin fingers. A foggy mist spreads for as far as I can see. It's strangely comforting.

And then I see it and my breath catches in my throat. I'm not walking anymore and I can't seem to make myself. It's smaller than the other trees, it's branches lower and thicker. He used to sit up in it with his comic books and read for hours on end. Sometimes we would joke that if we didn't come get him he wouldn't ever come down.

I could see the bare space between a patch of taller, thinner trees nearby, where our house used to be. It had been beautiful. Though, I had seen beauty in many things back then. I rarely see anything but sadness these days. I can still see the flames licking up the sides of our home in my mind so vividly it could've happened just yesterday.

He had been my responsibility. My parents had gone out on one of their "dates" which was really them pretending they had a loving marriage. Alec had been home, but mom didn't tell him he was his responsibility. He was mine. And because of me he's dead.

I pull the wooden figure from my pocket. It's a wooden soldier. The one Jace had given him when they met. Somehow it survived the flames. I run my fingers over the left arm where char marks scar the figure. I plant a single kiss on the toy and set it in the curve of the lowest branch.

"Happy birthday, Max." I whisper, my voice thick with tears. It's been 3 years since his death. He would be 15 today. I melt down next to the tree, pulling my knees in and burying my head between them. "I love you."

(_Clary)_

The rain is coming down in huge droplets, each one making a light slapping noise as it hits the concrete or my skin. I'm completely soaked and my dress is sticking to my thighs. I keep running, though. I don't stop until I reach an alley with a small metallic roof. I lean against the wall and try to catch my breath. The rain slaps like drums against the metal. And then I'm crying again. The sob racks through my body, my chest heaving. I'm so weak and I hate myself for it.

Every particle in me wants to run to Jace. To kiss him and tell him I love him. But instead I close my eyes and shove my hand into my pocket, my fingers tightening around the paper ball. _I am coming._ I feel another sob wrack through my body. I slide down the wall and fall into a ball on the ground. This is all too much. My brother whom I thought was dead is alive, but is no longer my brother. I have isolated myself from everyone I care about to protect them. I have no one.

And I cry for my brother. I cry out of pity and anger and frustration. I cry for Jace because I love him with my whole self, but can't be with him. I cry because of Simon, because he is the one thing I've always had and now I don't have him anymore. At least it's not the same. And lastly I cry for myself. Because my life has been shit. Because I had shit parents and I had a shit boyfriend and I have a sociopath as a brother.

But then I decide I'm done crying. I'm done crying and done obeying. I'm going to be brave. I'm going to fight.

* * *

My hotel room seems strangely foreign when I return. I kick off my soaked shoes and grab a garbage bag. I strip off my wet clothes and throw them into the bag. I quickly shower and throw on a tshirt and pajama shorts. My hair lays in wet ringlets down my chest. I'm about to turn off the lights when I hear a knock on my door.

I feel my heart skip a beat. I imagine Jonathan behind it with his razor grin and depthless eyes. But then I clench my teeth and throw the image from my head. I cannot continue to let him run my life.

I open the door and let out a gasp of surprise. Jace stood outside the doorway soaked to the bone. His hair stuck in golden curls on his neck and forehead, dripping little pearls of water on the ground around him.

He looks even paler than before, and his dark circles more prominent. He looks dangerous and sad. He walks inside without asking, shutting the door behind him and locking it. He then turns back to me, water forming a halo on the carpet around him. His lips are pink from the cold.

His amber eyes stare directly into mine. This time I don't look down or run away. I look back. And then he steps closer. The tips of his shoes are nearly touching my toes. I can feel the warmth radiating off of his skin in waves of heat. He still hasn't looked away. Little droplets of water have formed on his eyelashes and shine like small crystals.

He steps closer again. I don't back up. I want to but I can't make myself. I reach down to grip the letter, but I'm not wearing my jacket. My lifeline is gone. And then he's so close that his breath is on my forehead. His hand moves down and lightly traces my lips. I sigh quietly at the tingling sensation. And then he leans in. His hands caress my cheeks softly and lift my face to his.

I feel my eyes close, just as they always do when we kiss. His lips are cold and electrifying against mine. He kisses me slowly and my arms twine around his back and into the dripping curls of his golden hair. They feel soft and slippery in my fingers. And then he's kissing me more deeply, his hands splaying across my back. I shiver slightly. His mouth moves down my neck, planting light kisses down to my collar bone. Every thought of how I shouldn't be doing this disappears with his lips.

His lips then trace back up my neck and onto my lips again. His tongue finds its way into my mouth and I moan against him, pulling him closer. I have missed him and his warmth. My hands move down to the hem of his shirt and I pull it up, over his head. The second it's off my hands trace the curves and crevices of his tight chest. He sighs and kisses me harder, biting down on my lip.

Then he is backing me up. My back makes contact with the softness of the bed and I scoot back. He crawls on top of me, resting on his elbows. He kisses my cheek and down my neck painfully slow. He kisses past my collar bones and onto my chest, right where my shirt begins. His hands tease the hem, as if silently asking. I nod and he pulls it over my head carefully.

I feel my cheeks heat up when he looks at me. But he looks at me as if I'm an angel. He kisses me again, this time past my bra and down my stomach. I sigh as he kisses the nerve endings of my hips. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer. I reach for the button on his pants and undo it. I try to get the zipper but it seems to be stuck. He sits up and yanks them off along with the rest of our clothes.

I trace his hipbones with my fingertips. His eyes flutter closed. His hands grasp my waist, tracing underneath the elastic of my shorts, once again making sure if taking them off was okay. I help him and shove them off, kicking them to the side. And then we are both left in nothing but our underwear.

He kisses me again, this time more tenderly. He brings his lips up and pecks my nose with them. I smile underneath him. And for the first time in what feels like forever, I feel happy.

**What do you think?**

**Sweet chapter right? **

**Review for Jace's mangos(;**


	23. Chapter 23

**Hi guys! Thank you so much for the positive response on the past chapter, even though it took me so long to update. Anyways here is the next chapter. Get ready to have your mind's blown. Much love. Feel free to PM me at any time for any reason. I am always here for all of you. Please Review! It means so much! **

**xx- Kelse**

_(Clary)_

His skin is hot and cold against mine all at the same time. His hands are hypnotic on my body and I feel as if I'm in a trance. All I know is I never want this to end. I never want him to stop touching me. I throw my hands behind me on the bed and they come in contact with something wet and soft. I grasp it in my hand, running my fingers down the dripping crevices of the paper. It's the letter. _Erchomai. I am coming. _

I shudder and feel myself freeze. _What am I doing? _"Jace. Jace stop." I whisper, shoving my hands up against his bare chest to shove him off. He complies and quickly hops off of the bed. His face looks worried. "Clary? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry I-" He begins only to have me cut him off. "You need to leave." I say. I try to make my voice harsh, but it comes off as weak. I feel weak. I'm just so damn tired of pushing everyone away.

"Dammit Clary! I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on! One second we're kissing and the next your pushing me away. I want to help you, but you have to let me in." He says. His eyebrows are furrowed together in deep confusion. _You don't understand, I'm helping you._ I want to say. But I can't.

I close my eyes and turn my head away. "Just leave, Jace." I mutter allowing my voice to sound as bone-tired as I feel. But being the stubborn piece of shit he is, he sits down next to me, looking at me with his sad, honey gold eyes.

"I'm not leaving you."

He grabs my hand and draws circles on it with the tip of his finger. And then I'm crying. After I told myself I was done crying. _You're weak. _And I am. I wish I was strong.

"Everyone leaves. Everyone I've ever cared about. And it's my fault. I kill everyone I touch." I say, my voice quiet. My mom left, my dad left, and my brother left in ways that I can't bring myself to understand.

Jace grabs my hand, his fingers soft and warm against mine, and brings my hand to lay against his cheek. He rests his hand over mine.

"I don't see anyone dying." He says with a smile. I smile a little too, despite myself.

_(Jonathan)_

The room is dark, so dark I feel like I'm choking on it. I try to reach out in front of me, to find a light or a wall, but my hands are bound. The chains rattle behind me as I pull as hard as I can. _No, no, nonono. _I pull again, as hard as I can. And I continue to yank and pull until I feel blood run down my arms. I feel my breath leave my chest.

I hear the metal door from across the room creak open. A sliver of light floods the room, illuminating the scuffed cement ground covered in red stains that Valentine would later claim was residue. He appears at the door. His white blonde hair slicked back like that of a relentless business man. His suit hangs stiffly on his body and I can feel his dark eyes leering at me even from this distance.

He walks in, shutting the door behind him and clicking the lock. His hand then reaches up and flicks the switch. The room is flooded with white light, the kind they might have at a doctor's office. The place is even scarier with the lights on. The ground is more muddy red than it is grey and the walls are a rusted metal covered in hooks from which all different items are hanging.

It is a place straight out of a horror film. And it is my life.

He walks up to me, his hands placed at his sides professionally. He looks over me as if I'm another car he's trying to sell. Like a hunk of metal, like nothing.

_I'm your son! _I want to yell. But he won't care, he doesn't care about anything. "Ah, Jonathan. What weapon should I use today?" He asks casually, picking at his fingernails as if he was asking me how my day at school was.

"Dad, please. Please just unchain me." I whimper, trying to slip my hands and feet from the iron cuffs once again. I stifle a gasp as I feel the metal slice deeply into my wrist. Valentine's face is enraged. "You are _pathetic_. What are you, 10? Look at you groveling. I taught you better than that."

"I'm 11." I whisper. And that was it. His composure snapped. He reached out and his hand latched onto the first weapon he saw. It was a small carving knife. _No,no, please. _As he gets closer I feel myself begin to cry. The ugly kind of crying that gives you a headache.

And then he is right next to me, his hot breath against my ear. "Next it will be your sister."

I come out of the dream violently. The sheets around my are tangled like a spider's web and my hair sticks to my forehead with a sheen of sweat. I gasp for air and try to calm my racing heart. It was a dream. I'm safe. But what if Clary isn't? I hop out of the bed and quickly climb into the shower.

I wash all of the grime and sweat from the dream. The water hits my face soothingly, dripping down my back. I trace my hands down my arms and back, feeling the raised skin of scars and tough skin of burns. And Valentine's face flashes behind my eyes. And then I'm crying.

* * *

The air is cold around me and it seems to bite on my cheeks. My footsteps are silent against the sidewalk from years of practice. One has to be stealthy to fake their own death. It takes all of my willpower not to sprint to her hotel. Not to hold her in my arms to make sure no one can ever hurt her. Sometimes I still fear Valentine will raise from the grave and harm her.

There are still a fair amount of people out and about for 11:00. On the sidewalk on the other side of the street there is a woman grasping the hand of a young girl. Her brown hair is tied in braids and her jeans are a little too long, managing to fold themselves under her untied sneakers. The woman is laughing at something and the girl seems to be smiling mischievously.

A few blocks in front of me is a gangly boy with dark brown hair. He has glasses that perch awkwardly on his nose. He looks like the kind of guy that would give up his life to save puppies. And that's when I recognize him. It's Simon Lewis, Clary's best friend. I feel an odd sense of jealousy towards him. He has, in a way, served as Clary's brother during my absence. But that is no one's fault but my own.

When I finally get to Clary's hotel, I perch outside near a bush. She is only on the fourth floor, so seeing in her window isn't difficult. She is sitting on her bed, her head in her hands. She looks sad, but she's safe.

The fear in my heart finally resides for the night.

**Damn that was kind of unexpected**

**Poor Jon**

**Poor Clary**

**Poor everyone, sorry for being so depressing guys!**

**REVIEWWWW **


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